I am truly sorry that so many of your comments aren't posting. I do read them and post them, but they tend to be taken away within a day or so. Also, yes...several of my new posts were high jacked as well. Our nerd squad keeps giving me information that I do not want about a person whom I don't care to know much more about. I try to let Bing handle it. She's done most of the reading of everything dug up and I have been known to plug my ears and hum because, no, I do not want to know what new business this stalker has or what her political views are. Kind of a slippery tyrant, though, or so they tell me. I am urged to take the blog private. Trying to avoid that. We'll see. Mostly I am just bewildered that someone whom I could care less about seems obsessed with not only me, but my whole family and making my life as miserable as possible by signing me up for magazines that I have no interest in (hydroponic farming) and taunting me for having had cancer and yes, fucking up my blog and emails.
So, I will give this one more try and see what happens.
THINGS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH....because I have done my share of crying in the last year and it is just easier.
1) Our dog, Socks, is madly in love with a black poodle that has shown up a few times on our daily walks in the park. The weather has been unusually balmy for March, so I've been walking with him to the park daily and I swear he looks for her. I try to aid and abet as well as I can. I have noticed that the poodle (her name is Hazel) has an owner who walks her around 2 in the afternoon and I've been trying to show up around that time. The only problem is that Hazel's human is a tall, good looking man several years younger than me and I fear that he is realizing what we're up to, except that he thinks that perhaps it is ME interested in him and not Socks being interested in Hazel. He gives me these sweet pitying looks and I can just see him going home and telling his wife that there is this older woman in the park who has it bad for him. But, I swear Socks goes limp with love at the mere sight of Hazel. He sniffs her butt in a gentlemanly way and sticks his chest out when they walk side by side. He growls menacingly at other dogs who dare to cast an eye at Hazel. I've tried to talk to him about this as he's trying WAY too hard and it shows. If Hazel seemed to be amused by squirrels, Socks will try to look amused as well, even though he has never met a squirrel that he liked. When she makes these little whimpering noises when we say goodbye, I swear he pouts all the way home. WHY didn't I invite them home for a playdate? Well, because I don't KNOW this human, Socks and I can't be entertaining strange men in my house just so that you can prance around the back yard trying to impress Hazel with your skill at catching a frisbee. And Hazel? Ah. I fear she is a femme fatale. I suspect that she has several other dogs on a string as well. Poor Socks. Oh, well. It happens to all of us at some time in our lives, yes?
2) Watching the Republican Debates. This is fodder for SNL each and every time. And each and every time, Bing and I look over incredulously at each other. Seriously? Did the Donald just tell Ted Cruz to shut up? Did he just call Marco Rubio little Marco? Why can't anyone else see how he struts like a peacock? My god, he cracks himself up over and over again. Watching him with Jeb Bush was almost painful. Like Jeb was the bespectacled skinny kid on the playground and the Donald was the bully taking his lunch money over and over and over again. But what isn't funny? The way this creepy narcissist keeps winning primaries. I do admit to a sort of rubbernecking interest in watching those debates, though. Ted Cruz tries so hard to look as if he is above all of this, but then ends up with his chin quivering in fury as the king of liars struts around calling him one. And is it just me or does anyone else think that Ted Cruz is a closet queen? Every time I see him, I think to myself that this man is gay. Not that I care, that is fine and dandy with me. What isn't fine and dandy is being gay and trotting out your wife and kids like set pieces. Bing reminds me that if Ted was gay, the Democrats would have surely outed him by now. My guess is that he is waaayyy in the closet or the most discreet man on the planet.
3) Ok...I find it odd that a woman would tell me that she is a lesbian with triplets who won the lottery when she is really a straight woman married to a man and the mother of four non-trips. And this same woman holds herself up as a paragon of honesty. Ok, Utah, you win. You warned me. I owe you fifty bucks. Sorry...this will probably not make sense to any one else. I think you had to be there.
4) Bing and I are going through cruise brochures. Do we want to consider an American cruise like following the Lewis and Clark trail or something called "Mark Twain's love with a REAL LIFE Mark Twain impersonator." As opposed to what? A fake one? Do we want to go on a theme cruise? A running cruise? This confuses me. Isn't the whole point of a cruise to lollygag? Why would I want to run? Are they going to set the ship on fire periodically? How about a conservative cruise? Bing thinks that this would be a gas. To go on one and then mess with everyone on board. Righto, Ms. Genius. Like I want to sit around and listen to some rich people with closed minds getting all verbose about how much they dislike obamacare? But, then there is the liberal cruise. That sounds more fun. But, it's not even close to November and I am already sick to death of politics. How about an alternative lifestyle cruise? The picture showed two hot muscular, deeply tanned men gazing adoringly into each others eyes. The good news is that Bing and I would be able to hold hands with no dirty looks. The bad news would be that I suspect there would be PDAs flying all over the place and we aren't into sucking face in public. Then there is the singles cruise. Bing suggested that we could take that and um...ROLE PLAY. That we could pretend to meet and fall in love. I admit that I gave her a very long probing look. Excuse me? I can't even perform phone sex without sounding like a wooden voiced idiot ("Oh, honey, I am so um....wet..? Is that the right word?") Does she really think I could pull off something of this magnitude? Although, it might be fun to see her try to do this. I suggested the Shakespeare cruise. All Shakespeare, all the time. She mimed vomiting. Such an actress I married! Our final look was at a mystery cruise. I think we might actually be good at this. We are both good at puzzles, both have relatively high IQs and are both competitive. My oncologist tells me that I would have made an excellent Viking, too. So? But, this sounds a lot like a working vacation and I have already had too many of those. So...no cruises. We are now looking at a cross country trip this Summer to attend a friend's wedding, a family vacation. And...just for us...maybe a trip to Italy, to Paris or to Spain. I have always wanted to see Michaelangelo's Pieta. Bing, being Bing, wants to run with the bulls.
5) This video. It just made me laugh and smile.
Ok...let's see how long this stays up. Any wagers?