Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Please excuse Maria

Please excuse Maria for a short while. She has just returned from a very long, very draining, very forced gaiety session with her very conservative, small town, Republican Catholic family and she is unable to do much more than go to work and come home right now.


1) Choosing to drive to small town family function with sister, Patrice and mentally challenged 39 year old niece who insisted on listening to Katy Perry, the soundtrack from Frozen and a very happy song called "Happy" until I was ready to leap out of a moving car. They were not on board with my pleas to listen to some Stones, Springsteen, Nirvana or Led Zep. Even James Taylor was spurned by them. If I ever hear the song "Happy" again, I may throw up.

2) Watching my sister, Patrice turn from the sister that I know and mostly like, to a Sarah Palin loving, Obama basher ("Well, he is just a Muslim, everyone knows that") in order to pander to the rest of the family.

3) Being shown photos on my great nephew's phone of him "shooting" fish. This is actually done with a bow and arrow that has a fishing line attached to it. This is okay, I suppose, I thought as he proudly showed me photo after photo of him holding up huge fish with arrows struck through them and bleeding profusely. But then, it all went south when I asked him where all those fish were. ""Oh, we threw them back in the water," he said, casually. "DEAD?" I asked. "Well, some were dead, some were just injured," he said callously. This caused me to give him a stern lecture, threaten to sic the law on him and make my sister, Celia (his Grandmother) look daggers at me. I told him the story of how stupid white men went around killing buffalo for sport in the old days and how this dreadful waste infuriated the Native Americans, who witnessed it. "What you did is not manly at all," I told him. "It's stupid and cruel." He avoided me like the plague after that.

And this was just the small stuff.

I'm glad to be home even if I woke up with my left knee swollen up and my right foot aching. Guess I'll take the cane to work.

Tonight it will be my pleasure to lay on the sofa with my feet in Bing's lap while we watch The Americans.

I've gotta be me, dudes. But, I think that my family sincerely wishes that I was someone else. Especially when my sister, Jessie, was bashing Obamacare and saying that she and her husband were upset about having to pay more for insurance and how it was taxing them. And I asked her if she was so upset about money why she just bought all three of her daughters and herself and her husband smart phones.....

Yeah, I'm not popular in that group....


lily cedar said...

I'm the black sheep of my family. My one sister who is sixty-seven would tattle on me to my mother, not as a child but as an adult. And then I would be forced to apologize for telling the truth, like the fact that her forty year old son smokes. I could go on but won't. Glad you survived.

megan blogs said...

Oh, poor you!

My brother was a hunter, and he told me if ever i hunted and didn't quite kill something, i had to track it until i found the wounded animal and put it out of its misery.

I find your nephew's actions reprehensible and would have given him a stern talking to as well.

As for the political crap, i'm sick to death of the finger pointing on both sides. We've got a fine mess that needs sorting and name calling, finger pointing, and blaming isn't gonna fix it.

Now, i have to figure out why i can comment on your blog, but can't reply to comments on my own or on others' blogs.


Marie said...

Maria, I have found that as we get older, sometimes we outgrow our "family" and find that the friends we have are our "chosen family", just a word to the wise.

Jacquelineand.... said...

I know that feeling very, very well... I'm the weird, liberal, mouthy feminist female in a family full of Stepfords. I don't shut up when the 'menfolk' are talking, and argue when they're talking crap. (If their jaws are moving, that's what they're talking.)
You, Maria, are far braver and/or kinder than I... if they don't like the real me then they can do without me altogether because *gasp* compromise implies mutuality.

John Wooldridge said...

Ah Maria you have the same tact with your family as I with mine...personally I'd rather be a black sheep than a yes sheep.

Fenstar de Luxe said...

I'm the black sheep of my family. Thankfully the rest of my family are okay though. I'm just super weird!

Good on you for telling him off about the fish though, that made me really sad.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Oh, Maria, I don't know how you even tolerate more than a moment spent with your extended family. (And I would say that "great nephew" is not so great.) You have my sympathy. I'm soon to make another trip to NY to visit my mother. I will avoid her extended family (my cousins) like the plague. Conservative, wealthy, and wanted to keep it all for themselves. These two Socialists don't do well in their company.

Roberta said...

It's as though we are leading parallel lives. Ugg to all of it! I've experienced every single thing you wrote about. Only, instead of Catholic…insert Mormon. We should do lunch.

Jocelyn said...

If we were in the same family (woo-hoo!) and attended such gatherings together, I'd have to meet you in the backyard with a Mason jar full of gin, just so we could cope.

Whenever people call Obama "a Muslim," it's not even the fact that they're making sh** up that makes me the most crazy; it's the fact that they perceive calling someone "a Muslim" to be an insult. ARGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGGH.

Thank heavens you have THE AMERICANS to aid in your recovery.

the only daughter said...

Rest. Decompress. Get your bearings back.

Ta Ta