Saturday, April 26, 2014

Marisa the nightmare translator comes a beggin...

I can hardly believe the nerve she has.

You may or may not have read my blog in mid February where I detailed firing our office translator, Marisa.

Marisa was a fucking disaster less than stellar employee. She was habitually late, she accused us of harassment when our secretary called her to see if all was okay when she didn't call in sick, snuck out of the office twice in the early afternoon to meet one of her dumb-as-doorknob friends at a movie theater to see a matinee. Her work was shoddy and more than often late. She could not sit in a chair for more than twenty minutes before she had to jump up like a jackass-in-a-box to go find someone to visit with. Her exit interview was horrific. She basically accused our office of racism and being "like WAY big time dysfunctional."

We were so glad to see her go. We are in the process of interviewing for another translator. Unfortunately, this is taking a long time because we had several candidates apply and my two other co-office founders and I are pressed for time.

So, guess who drops in to see me yesterday?

Marisa.

All decked out in a business suit. This surprised me since during her last month of employment, she made a point of wearing jeans and platform heels with blouses that Jennifer Lopez sports on American Idol each week.

She had the audacity to smile at me as I walked by. I didn't return it, just nodded and kept on walking. Asked our secretaries to make appointments with the three of us office owners. My secretary came into my office and asked me what I wanted to do. I said to go ahead and make the appointment. Actually, I told her, I was free for the next half hour, wasn't I? If she wanted to talk now, let's get to it.

Marisa came in beaming. Walked around my desk as if she planned to hug me. I stood up and deflected her, told her to have a seat. What did she want? I kept my voice even but icy cold.

She faltered, but just a little. Picked up a new photo I have of Liv on my desk, one where she is mid air flying over a hurdle at a track meet.

"Is this LIZ? Oh, she is so athletic!" she gushed.

"Her name is Liv. And yes, she is," I said, in a monotone.

Her eyes shifted nervously. This was obviously not what she expected and this utterly dumbfounded me. WHAT did she expect? That I was going to welcome her to our office with open arms?

"I just...well....I was wondering...if maybe you would consider giving my position back? I just...I found another job but I HATE my boss. She's soooo mean! She's not anything like you! You were so kewllll! I loved your clothes, especially those Chanel suits! And I saw you and Liz once shopping at the mall and you both looked so....so...so... Free People! You were like a fashion role model for me! (Oh, god...no...you always dressed like some slutty wannabe Beyonce and you were fashioning yourself after ME! I think not.) And I used to go home and tell Shane (husband) about how freaking witty you were, how listening to you was like listening to a really hip sitcom. I see now that maybe I made a few mistakes...."

I cut her off there. Because I barked out a laugh. Was she kidding? No. I could see that she wasn't. My god, how could someone be so unaware of what an asshole they were? Instead of saying what I was thinking, I looked her directly in the eye and spoke.

"Marisa, you were habitually late. You rarely arrived at the office less than a half hour late. You dressed inappropriately and were told this but kept on doing it. You have four days of absence where you didn't bother to call in sick or whatever, just didn't show up and once when Dinah (secretary) called to see if you were okay, you accused her of harassment. You left more than once mid afternoon shift to sneak off to see a matinee. You left early often, in fact, it was pretty regular that you were just nowhere to be found after 3:30 in the afternoon. You were openly rude at your exit meeting with us. I believe you called me a "snotty lesbo" and expressed the wish that my "pretend" wife would cheat on me. Do you recall any of this?"

Marisa looked up, shiny tears in her fake eyes.

"Well, Maria, I guess.....I guess...you should know that I was going through some hard times back then. I suffered a few miscarriages, I didn't share that with the office staff because I was just...so...so...very sad. And I had untreated bipolar problems that I am now being treated for. It's my hope that we can have a clean slate. I think I could be a real asset to your office and I will make sure that Jin and Kam (co-owners) know that when I meet with them later in the week."

She stood up and held out her hand. I ignored her and stood up and held the door open for her.

She walked out and then right before I shut the door, I caught her sticking her tongue out at me over her shoulder.

Wow. Imagine my shock and surprise.

Over my dead body will she come back here. Over my dead body.

But, what do you think? Is this like the cheekiest thing ever? Do you buy her explanation? What would YOU do? 


19 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

I think you were amazingly gracious in consenting to talk with her, and you handled it professionally. Her sticking out her tongue when she left tells you that nothing has changed. This is a lesson she clearly hasn't learned yet, that we must live with the consequences of our choices. You would be crazy to hire her back!

Joanne Noragon said...

Maria, there is a battalion of clueless out there. Actually, an entire army. I'm no longer in the business of hiring and firing, but I know those who are, and deal the Marisa's daily. They make entertaining stories to share around.
My friend Ann owns a kennel. She rehired a girl after letting her go two years ago on promises of adult behavior. Not only has the young lady missed work without notice, three times she has allowed unrelated dogs to be loose together. Two of the three times were potentially dangerous, one extremely so. The young woman could only wail "It wasn't my fault." I can hear Ann telling her "People trust their dog's safety to you. We are in the business of trust." I am looking forward to hearing about the come to jesus meeting today.
I too gave out second chances, back then. I cannot remember one that worked out.

Leslie Giambrone said...

Wow.....I would do the same thing you did. Hold the door open for her so it doesn't hit her on the way out. I don't buy her excuses. Some people..... Wow!

English Rider said...

I'd be suspicious that she was recording the conversation, hoping you'd say something she could use against you. Well done for not going there.

Lawfrog said...

That is insane. Seriously. The woman likely does have some kind of mental health issue, but that is not your problem. What would I do? I'd meet with the two co-owners of your office so they can cancel the meetings that may have already set up with her. There is no point in her meeting with them because it's a waste of their time.

This woman has an incredible amount of nerve. I cannot even imagine. You cannot put the bullet back in the gun and since her exit interview was several rounds of machine gun fire, I'd say the best thing to do is ignore her and not allow her to ever come into your office building again. There is no reason for her to be there.

lily cedar said...

I want to tell her to fuck off but what you said sounds better:)

Jacquelineand.... said...

You were professional and honest... and spot on about not re-hiring her. A snake, even when it changes it's skin, (business suit) is still a snake.

John Wooldridge said...

What goes around tends to come around, maybe she'll learn from this.....though I sincerely doubt it.

the only daughter said...

I wish I could say her behavior surprised me, but it doesn't. I've seen and heard things like this, and more. I don't buy her explanation, such as it was. I probably would have done what you did, a meeting, but nothing more. She didn't do herself any favors (business suit not-with-standing) by slamming her new boss.

Good luck in finding a new, professional, translator.

kj said...

jin and karn had better decline meeting with her. period. i would be pissed if they met her for 30 seconds.

megan blogs said...

Unbelievable.

I'd have a chat with the other co-owners and relate to them your conversation. If they decide to meet with her, then fine. If all of you agree that Marisa is not welcome then at the third meeting, i'd want to draw an iron-clad boundary and be sure she knows that she has no reason to call or show up again.

If you think she may be a problem child, consider following up with something in writing saying that each co-owner has had a chance to meet with her, and all have agreed that based on the history she has with [your company] including unexplained and unexcused absences, flagrant disregard for the dresscode, perpetually late, and shoddy workmanship, it is best that she not be considered for any employment opportunities your company has presently or in the future.

If you have a company lawyer, i'd probably cc her/him. Just so you have established the boundary.

Kate said...

What would I do? Go home and write a kick-ass blog entry, drink a Scotch and never waste another shred of emotional energy on this person. And who cares if she was going through stuff? As if I don't go through stuff, you don't go through stuff, we all don't go through stuff every day. What she doesn't understand when praising your wit and your style is that she is actually admiring someone who has class. And the way that class manifests itself, far beyond the way we tell a story or the things we wear, is how we deal with our lives when the chips are down and we have to go through stuff.

Fenstar de Luxe said...

Woah, I'm a little gobsmacked! What a ridiculous human being.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Wait. Wait. Wait. Did you say her name is Marisa? Don't you mean Lindsey Lohan?

And, after all that bullshit, she actually "secretly" stuck her tongue out at you upon leaving?!?

YOU handled it beautifully. However, I DO hope that Jin and Kam have no intention of meeting with her!!!

Earth Muffin said...

Cheekiest thing ever, for sure. Even if her sob story is true, sticking out her tongue on her way out your door trumped any sympathy she may think she deserves. I agree w/a previous comment that hard-core boundaries need to be put in place and that a lawyer, if your office has one, should be made aware. The only other thing I have to say about her is, "Wow. Just...wow."

The World According To Me said...

What colour is the sky in her world?

John Gray said...

Gobsmacked ( I love that word) too
Just enjoying my catch up with your blog, it's been a while

jb said...

You are a mental health expert, but I would be seriously concerned she was getting prepared to hit you with an ADA lawsuit. Throwing out the "I had miscarriages and untreated bi-polar problems. I'd agree with a previous commenter and document document document and consult your attorney.

Jocelyn said...

Desperation makes her even more fake--until her real self pops back out with her tongue as she exits.

She's like so many of my students. Full of nonsense and hoping someone will buy it.