Thursday, November 14, 2013


I wish there was another word for it. Dawn reminds me of a girl I knew in high school who wore ringlets.

I get up this morning, so disheartened. Weary of the constant pain. Weary of the constant round of doctor's visits, the second opinions, this medication making me dizzy but working and that medication not making me dizzy but not working either.

I give myself the pep talk, tell myself that I am not in a wheelchair, with the exception of the sciatica, am doing well. Another hard fought for remission obtained. No major joint swelling. I say my mantra. I'm not really a mantra person, but this one was given to me by a Lakota healer, so I use it. It does help. It helps me stay grounded.

I throw my runes. Take a look at the day ahead. A problem at work is at a standstill. But, I already knew that. Otherwise, it all looks okay. My family/friend support system is well in place. But, yes...I already knew that too.

I take a long hot shower. My energy conscious Bing, who once put a five minute timer on our shower water, has since dismantled it. She knows that I need that steamy hot water blasting my bones in the morning to get started.

I put on my robe, an old white and pink chenille one that has seen better days, but it is a comfort to me when it's cold outside. I go downstairs, drink my coffee, eat my yogurt. I like to do this sitting quietly in the early morning light. I hear Liv upstairs, her slow gait. She is not a morning person either. The shower turns on. She, too, is grateful that Bing dismantled the shower timer.

Socks sits at my feet, smiling his Ernest Borgnine smile at me. I lean down to pet him. He is wide awake. Every morning, he and Bing go for a run and he is feeling feisty. I get up to let him outside once more before we all leave for the day and he spends the day by himself.

And then, I see it. The sunrise. Dawn. It is absolutely beautiful. Except beautiful is the wrong word. It is....explosive, expansive, courageous and just, just....WRJTEWOAG! No word fits.

I open the door, feeling the spray of cold air hit my legs under my robe and step out on to the back steps. I do this often in warmer weather, never in cold.

Except for today. Today, I stand shivering mightily, sipping my hot coffee, cupping it in my cold, cold hands as I just watch.

The sun is coming up all crimson and shimmering gold.

I feel hope in my heart and am so grateful for this heart warming gift on this very cold morning.

I feel my still wet hair stiffening in the cold air and my whole body is one big chattery shiver. But, inside my chest, my heart beats, happy.

Thank you for this. Thank you. 


Jacquelineand.... said...

It sounds magnificently munificent...and just what you needed.

LL Cool Joe said...

Aww, I like reading happy posts. Well, sometimes. Glad you are feeling better inside any way. :)

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Oh my goodness this was simply amazing. You painted the scene perfectly. I felt as if I was there...

the only daughter said...

It is the simple...simply glorious...that energize.


Full of thanks.

megan blogs said...

Another word for it is daybreak. A friend of mine named his boat that, and my heart broke when he had to sell her.

I am not a morning person, either, but the magnificience of daybreak has rewarded me time and again.

lily cedar said...

Look at you all thankful:)

Makes me smile.

8thday said...

I am going through a somewhat similar problem - cancer meds that are making my joints feel like I'm 90 and prematurely eroding my bones. But, right now, I am cancer free. So I do the balancing act, pick my poison, and appreciate the good days and the beauty that this world provides. Every day.

I continue to send warm and healing intentions into the universe on your behalf. And I am very happy that you are able to enjoy the awesomeness in your world.

Karen M. Peterson said...

I love moments like this. You captured it beautifully.

Lorraine Jacobs said...

It really must have been a very beautiful day!!! I am so happy to read your post so optimistic and living each day full of hope. I am so happy for you. Continue that positive attitude.

Jocelyn said...

Oh, yes. Something about light and sun can reinvigorate a moldering spirit.

Leaves me wishing for some sun up here this week.