I wish there was another word for it. Dawn reminds me of a girl I knew in high school who wore ringlets.
I get up this morning, so disheartened. Weary of the constant pain. Weary of the constant round of doctor's visits, the second opinions, this medication making me dizzy but working and that medication not making me dizzy but not working either.
I give myself the pep talk, tell myself that I am not in a wheelchair, with the exception of the sciatica, am doing well. Another hard fought for remission obtained. No major joint swelling. I say my mantra. I'm not really a mantra person, but this one was given to me by a Lakota healer, so I use it. It does help. It helps me stay grounded.
I throw my runes. Take a look at the day ahead. A problem at work is at a standstill. But, I already knew that. Otherwise, it all looks okay. My family/friend support system is well in place. But, yes...I already knew that too.
I take a long hot shower. My energy conscious Bing, who once put a five minute timer on our shower water, has since dismantled it. She knows that I need that steamy hot water blasting my bones in the morning to get started.
I put on my robe, an old white and pink chenille one that has seen better days, but it is a comfort to me when it's cold outside. I go downstairs, drink my coffee, eat my yogurt. I like to do this sitting quietly in the early morning light. I hear Liv upstairs, her slow gait. She is not a morning person either. The shower turns on. She, too, is grateful that Bing dismantled the shower timer.
Socks sits at my feet, smiling his Ernest Borgnine smile at me. I lean down to pet him. He is wide awake. Every morning, he and Bing go for a run and he is feeling feisty. I get up to let him outside once more before we all leave for the day and he spends the day by himself.
And then, I see it. The sunrise. Dawn. It is absolutely beautiful. Except beautiful is the wrong word. It is....explosive, expansive, courageous and just, just....WRJTEWOAG! No word fits.
I open the door, feeling the spray of cold air hit my legs under my robe and step out on to the back steps. I do this often in warmer weather, never in cold.
Except for today. Today, I stand shivering mightily, sipping my hot coffee, cupping it in my cold, cold hands as I just watch.
The sun is coming up all crimson and shimmering gold.
I feel hope in my heart and am so grateful for this heart warming gift on this very cold morning.
I feel my still wet hair stiffening in the cold air and my whole body is one big chattery shiver. But, inside my chest, my heart beats, happy.
Thank you for this. Thank you.