Gone, gone, gone

It was a lovely holiday. It was.

I've decided that I am an oscar worthy actress. No one suspected that I was crying in the bathtub nearly every night.

I'm starting to get a little alarmed at how emotional I am feeling. I just feel....abandoned. Which is crazy.

Bing has been working overtime trying to make sure that nothing will go wrong while she is gone. I laugh and tell her that this is folly. It's a given. The second she leaves, some major appliance will break down. Happens every. single. time.

But she is nothing if not attentive. She made sure that I have a new car. A four wheel drive. One that gets through the snow well, holds the road beautifully.

We bought a new fridge. Okay, not the pricey Swedish one that I had my eye on, but in the end, she was right. We don't need a sub zero 2,000$ fridge. We bought a nice one that seems to have NO leaks. So far.

She purchased extra dead bolts for the doors and had Tinton put them on. Installed some crazy contraption that you set every night to make an alarm go off (and it is EAR splitting) if anyone touches that door from either side.

I really hope that Socks doesn't brush up against it or that we don't have really muscle bound mice.....

We already have bushes at every window and a lighting system that goes on automatically if anything over 20 pounds crosses the path by those windows. Frankly, we usually shut it off in the summer since it was driving our next door neighbor crazy. I'm suspecting that overweight tabby cat a few doors down kept setting them off.

But, it would take a determined burglar to get into our house. In sub zero weather with everything as slick as snot with snow and ice.

The boiler has been serviced for the year.

What can go wrong? Well, lots. And it will. This, I have found, is the joy of home ownership. As Roseanne Roseannadanna always said, "It's always something."

Vince and Thuan are gone. Left yesterday for their cruise. They leave behind a bereft Socks, who became adjusted very quickly to being walked every two hours because Vince and Thuan ADORE walking in the snow. And they live in Chicago, so think walking through a quiet urban prairie city block is quaint, like a painting!

Liv and Tinton leave this morning for Denver. Liv will be back on January 7th. I am hoping that by that time, I am over the worst of the weeping over Bing leaving.

Bing leaves tomorrow.

We are both having odd dreams. I woke up one morning with a quiet certainty that I wouldn't see her again. When I mentioned this, she chuckled.

"I swear to you that I am not going to fall in love in India. Or with Buddhism. Or...whatever," she said.

I couldn't put my finger on it. Still can't. I just have this terrible....foreboding. Like one of us will die or....FUCK...I don't know. All I know is that I have NEVER reacted this strongly to her going anywhere before.

We say we'll skype daily. We can't text. Too expensive. We can e-mail.

I've always been a gut person who works from my brain, but takes heed of my heart. My gut is screaming at me that she should NOT go. And if I made a big enough stink, even now, she would stay home. I know this.

But, that makes me shirk with embarrassment. How stupid! I'm just being silly.

I suppose time will tell. She gave me her flight information last night to tuck away. I marked her return date in my daybook.

We'll see.

So, I suppose this is all just a wait and see game. But, I wanted to write this down, just in case. Just to see if something comes of all of my worry and trepidation.

How closely do you follow your gut? I'm curious.

And does anyone have a crystal ball out there?