Who would you want next to you at the end of the world?

Bing, Liv and I saw this movie today.



It was pretty good. Some incredibly good moments, some kind of forced ones. But, in general, we enjoyed it.

It gave us fodder for conversation on the way home. The movie's premise is that a meteor is going to hit the earth in three weeks time and our world will end.

There is looting. There are those who decide to live dangerously, find God, do things that never would have occurred to them if not for this.

Bing asked us what we'd do if we only had three weeks to live. And, not surprisingly, we all were pretty much in agreement.

We wouldn't be trying to say final goodbyes to our extended family. That sort of surprised me. When my family disowned me years ago, I was so lonely for them. I remember feeling incredible melancholy on holidays, etc. Then, my mother died and my sisters decided that this shunning thing because I was a lesbian was just a bad idea on her part and they all came back, one by one. Celia, who never really disowned me in the first place but communicated with me secretly, was back instantly. Jessie apologized 6 months later. My sister, Patrice, was the last hold out, waiting almost 7 years to call me.

And then, just like that, I was back. And you'd think I would have been so glad, yes? Well, here's the funny thing. I was and I wasn't. I had missed my sisters, but I did not miss their husbands. Especially not Patrice's incredibly racist husband.

And I had grown up a lot in that time of shunning. I had been raised in a family where we didn't talk much about uncomfortable things. And nothing had changed. So, I sat with Bing and my daughter through many, many holiday dinners at which I seethed at my brother in law and his deep ignorance and idiocy. And no one said anything. Except me. And then I was looked at as a rabble rouser. Someone who stirred the pot.

Just ignore him! one of my sisters told me. She said that this is what she did. That on the car ride down to stay for the holidays, she would instruct her daughters to just ignore Uncle Bob. She went on to say that they would say a rosary together to pray for his soul on the way home.

But no one except Bing or I ever spoke up against him.

It made me dread holidays. I would love seeing my sisters and dread seeing my brother in law, who basically fucked everything up and then sat there smugly smiling and letting us know that he and my sister were dripping in wealth and look how happy their lives were!

I am close to my sisters, but there is always this wall there too. That wall that was built when my mother disowned me and they obeyed her mandate that I be shunned. I have always known in my heart that I would have never done that to them and yet, yet....they didn't love me enough to stand by me. It has prevented us from getting too close.

Instead, I bonded with my friends and with my partner and child. When I think of my real family, it is them. NOT my biological family.

So...if a meteor was going to hit Earth and I had only three weeks to live? I would probably call my sisters to say that I loved them but I would choose to hunker down in our old Victorian home and spend those last weeks with Bing and Liv.

I would try to read the books that I always wanted to read. And I would say everything that needed to be said to my partner and daughter. With Liv, it would be easier, because I have always had no trouble voicing my love for her, my pride in her character. With Bing, there would be more to say. There have been too many times when I took her love for granted, didn't tell her that after knowing her for almost 37 years, she is still the one who fascinates me the most, whom I love with my whole heart, whose arms I want to die in. I would make sure to say all those things.

And then, I would stock up on all the foods that we all love and we would eat whatever we wanted and watch wonderful old movies and play games and probably not get enough sleep, because who wants to lose even an hour with each other?

But, I would want to be with them. No one else. No traveling to see relatives, the grand canyon or the sea. I would stay put and enjoy every last moment with them. No work. Just talking and holding hands. Pouring as much love as possible all over all three of us.

That is what I told Bing when she posed the question. Liv said that she agreed. That it should just be the three of us and Socks and if there was any way her dad could join us, she'd want him too.

Bing smiled at Liv in the rear view mirror. 

"Me too," she said. "Just the two biggest loves of my life and Socks. All of us going down together. I would want to spend my last moments on this earth holding your hands and feeling like I have had a good life, such a happy life."

So...a meteor is going to hit the earth and smash it to smithereens. No hope in sight. No way to stop it.  Where do you spend your last 3 weeks on earth?

And with whom?