Today, Liv asked me if I had a blog. I was surprised. She's never asked me about it, never seemed even slightly interested. When I told her yes and asked her why she asked, she admitted that her cousin, Lindsay told her that she'd gone online while I was away on vacation and read my blog and "visited" some of the people listed on my blog roll.
I wasn't too shocked or upset. I mean, ALL of my sisters know that I have a blog (I originally started it for them...I was weary of having to answer all of their e-mails and finally just told them that if they wanted to know what was new with me, to check out my blog....they all did but none of them stayed long, I think they found it boring and upsetting in turn...none of them have visited in months...) and I wouldn't have minded if they told their children. I really don't have many secrets and while I don't relish them reading the romantic bits that I write about Bing, I don't regard anything I write as off limits. I pretty much just lay it out there.
What bothered me was that Lindsay had to use my password to get into my blog. And I didn't give it to her. So...she hunted it down somehow. There is no way she could have guessed my password, it's an acronym of a sentence mantra that I say to myself when I am trying to hold my temper...so basically, just a bunch of weird vowels and consonants that don't fit. And I have never written it down. When Bing goes online to check my analytics to see what my blog stalker is up to, she has to ask me what my password is because she always forgets.
Not sure how Lindsay got in, but it bothers me that she did. It's just....invasive. There wasn't anything I am ashamed of, embarrassed by, etc. Just my blog and bookmarks of let's see....Lee DeWyze's twitter, a literary board I read and other things like my library account.
And our savings and checking accounts. IRA. Liv's college fund. Our emergency savings in case something really awful happens and we need a big sum of money quickly. Our stocks and bonds.
So, I had Bing check things out today and it looks like the only thing Lindsay snooped into was my blog and then...she only stayed on for about an hour, but she did read several blogs on my roll. Not sure if she used my name to comment, I'm guessing not.
And that was it. She didn't go into our money accounts or check out Lee's twitter (and why the fuck not????)
I told Liv that she could check out my blog anytime and she said she thought she'd pass. But...we'll see. When I became very ill a couple of years ago, I started using my blog as a sort of diary for Liv to read when she is older....in case I am not here. So, really...I don't mind if she reads it. She did ask me what I wrote about and I just shrugged and said something about just writing about my life, events, etc. She gave me that incredulous look that teens give their parents. Sort of like what the hell ever happens to YOU that's interesting?
I think that she might be surprised. And I do hope that she reads the blog sometime in the future and think that when she reaches the right age, she will.
But, I'm not sure how to handle Lindsay. As I said, I could care less if she read the blog...but how did she get my password and WHY did she snoop? This is what bothers me the most, I suppose. That she invaded my privacy without permission.
How would you handle this? Any ideas? She was a good house/child/dog sitter in almost every other way. My car does have a lingering cigarette smell even though Liv said that she only saw her smoke a few times and it was always out on the back steps. But, that's it. The house was in neat order. The garden weeded and watered well. Child and dog well cared for. She is 21 years old.
So....should I just let this go? Or.....say something? What do you think?
18 comments:
I would mention it as computer snooping may seem very casual to her, while many employers would see this as an immediate firing offense.
Oh Maria, this is a tough one. She is family and you love her, but this is very disrespectful. I can't imagine anyone going into my blog account and checking things out for themselves.
Obviously you two need to chat, and make find out what she was thinking, and how it can never happen again. I think I would also tell her how this violates trust and trust is hard to earn.
Good luck!
I'm wildly curious as to how she got your password. That would be the most important deal for me. If you checked and all appears well, I wouldn't fret it otherwise. She was curious...nosy. It is pretty natural, pretty human.
But then again...she was (and perhaps will be again) entrusted and so you must be able trust her.
I'm sure Liv will read your blog and enjoy every word (eventually). ;-)
I'd ask her, but maybe in a jokingly way at first. I mean, I'd just wanna know in GENERAL, to make sure it isn't that easy for anyone else.
just ask her straight out? not in an angry way of course... just out of curiousity type thing? also that it would've been nicer if she had asked first...
I def think u need to call her on it... u can be kind... u don't have to be shaming or wrathful (not saying u would be)... but I think u need to name it. She's young. It's good to have your forays into the wrong direction noticed so u can self correct. And... I guess I would say... bec of this u would not... or would seriously reconsider asking her to help again. I would be very stern. I would name it as a trust issue. And I would hold out that u want to give her excellent references for anything in the future. I would then see if she volunteers how she got the password. I think u need to deal it bec its breech of trust and could have gone much further. Stern fairness. Zc. Wouldn't u do the same if it were liz?
Are you sure you logged out? I don't know much about how it works but it seems that Bing is pretty good about the Internet security. I would ask her about it only because I would be worried about someone else being able to get it...like your stalker. And by asking her how she got your password then maybe she will realize that you know she did it and she will think twice next time.
If you are certain she used your password then yea, I certainly think you should talk with her. 1) She needs to know such behavior is unacceptable and 2) You need to know just how in the hell she got your password!
No, you shouldn't let it go.
If she broke into your computer, which I guess is what she really did as she had access to other information than reading your blog, it's still a bad thing.
- I'd ask her about it, and also about how she found the password.
- I'd tell her that using other people's password without permission is something that could land her in a heap of trouble in the long run, so it's a practice best avoided. Over here, and I guess in the US too, criminal charges can be laid against you for doing something like that.
- I'd also offer to set up a guest account on the computer if she needed to go online. That way she could go online without having access to your personal stuff.
- I'd also tell her that the blog can be accessed from any computer, and that you don't mind her reading it.
There's a few things I do on my computer to safeguard it a bit:
- I have a guest user with very limited access and no password, basically it can go online. Great for nieces, nephews and such...
- My main user (me) doesn't have administrator rights, so whenever I need to install something or do other administrator stuff, another login window pops up, and another password than my main one has to entered. This wouldn't have done any difference in this case, but still makes life a teeny bit harder for anyone with bad intent.
- My blog administration has a different username and password than my computer logons.
- Important files are password protected, with a different password again.
- I try to log out of everything important online, like my blog/e-mail/facebook/flickr... before I shut down my computer. That way I avoid everything opening up to administrator screens if someone else get's into it.
This means that there's a few passwords to remember, but not more than I'm able too.
Good luck!
But you don't need a password just to read your blog do you? My daughter has been reading mine but she didn't need a password, she just googled the title.
no way in hell i would let it go. i would just ask her how she got on your computer and nosed around. my guess is that when a 21-year-old is desperate enough to check their facebook while they are housesitting at their aunt's house, that they become master code breakers.
I tend towards just letting it pass but then it an invasion of privacy were talking about and at 21 she should know better. It might drop Liv in as a dobber so maybe leave it for now.
Thanks for all your comments. As I said, I was mostly concerned about how she got past our password protection. You need to use a password to even get into mundane things on my computer. And, all of our bank accounts, etc. are further password protected.
Bing figured it out. This will make sense to some of you, but if you're like me, not so much. Apparently, Lindsay did some sort of "bypass option" maneuver that asks the program for the password. As I said, makes no sense to me, but Bing commented that several of her students can do this as well and that she meant to set up a firewall against it, but forgot. So...now...it is up and all is fine.
Lindsay is currently traveling with some friends to see a concert in Indianapolis (using her house sitting cash to fund it) and I will talk to her when she returns. I'm pretty sure she meant no harm, was probably just bored and since she only stayed on my um....magnificently wordy blog for 64 minutes, she wasn't overly interested. And as I said, she didn't go anywhere else, not even to Lee DeWyze's twitter, which baffles me, because let's face it..he is brilliant, albeit currently a bit mushy over his impending doom, I mean wedding.
But, no. Lindsay will not be working for us again and I will talk to her. I'm sure she'll be astonished that her two old aunties even knew she visited. And to be honest, if Liv hadn't said something, I would have never thought to even check.
As someone who writes for herself and for a living (and anything in between), I am appalled by this behaviour. I would not be zen about this, at all. My computer holds some of the most important things in my life and it is nobody's business but mine. I would definitely talk to her. Not necessarily in an angry way (that probably won't get you anywhere), but definitely in a stern, cautioning way. There are trust and possibly even livelihood issues at stake (what with the bank accounts etc) and while she might not use her access to your computer for any wrong-doing, she might be used for it or she could slip up and spill something about what she saw that could harm you and your family.
As for Liv reading/not reading your blog: my Mum writes historical fiction and I've not read much of her stuff. Part of it is because that's a genre that bores me to tears, but a part of me is, I have to admit, quite afraid of what aspects of my mother I might discover that I actually have no right to know about. It almost feels like if I read more than a few pages or some of her short stories (and I only read those because she and my Dad - they're a team - asked me to proofread some parts), it'd be the equivalent of walking in on my parents having sex. It's hard to describe. On the other hand, I feel that one day (hopefully a long time away), when she's no longer alive, I'll want to read everything she ever wrote. I'm ok with waiting. But hey, that's just my perspective.
I hope you find a way to clear up this situation with your niece. Just reading about it made me so mad!
It may never have occurred to her that what she was doing was wrong. It may just be the thing "all the kids are doing" and she may not have a full understanding of what it means to bypass someone's password in that way. It could be an informative and enlightening discussion to have with her about the implications of such things. You may save her from future embarrassment or loss of employment by having an honest but kind discussion with her. As I said, she may have had no real idea of the implications of her actions or that in some circles it would be/is considered a violation of trust. From what you have said, it seems like she took excellent care of Liv and the home front. It would be sad to lose access to that.
If you are certain you didn't forget to log out, I would certainly discuss it with her. If you can't be for sure, you may damage a relationship by raising the issue, and her assuming you are accusing her of something she didn't do. If you are unsure in any way, be sure next time you might have her stay with Liv. If it happens again, then you'll be positive. (Or just take your computer with you.)
And, unless Liv is just an extremely unusual child, she will be reading your blog in the near future, because as you said, she will want to know what in the world her mom has to write about that is so darn interesting. (Imagine yourself at her age.) And unless you shield her from it, she will have noticed the amount of time and frequency with which you are typing away. And I would suspect soon her friends will be reading it, because you only have to share information with one friend before everyone knows when something like this is involved. The girls are at the age where a glimpse into the adult world is very informative and interesting. Yours is not exactly the typical run-of-the-mill mommy blog.
did she read your blog online or your files on the pc or laptop? If I was housesitting I'd probably use their computer and think nothing of it, I would have asked for the password before they left! I'm just not sure she did that much wrong or broke your trust?
I take a pretty hard line on this, esp because of the password. I was once asked by someone to Show Her how to get into the accounts of a woman who was renting from her. The woman I know owned the home but did not know how to work a computer. She told me she just wanted to see what her tenant was up to.
Oh Hell NO.
To me that meant she'd already gone thru everything she could that belonged to the woman.
I find that just horrid.
I would also find it disturbing that she managed to get through your password and trespass in your private affairs as she did, and believe it should be addressed. After all, you are not the one who did something wrong so you should not be uncomfortable confronting her.
I am sure that Liv will want to read your blog later, but right now she is not ready to know more than she already does about her mom's private life and thoughts. When the time is right, she'll read it and love it at least as much as we all do.
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