Last night I was being very quiet because Bing was watching the last offering of her favorite show: House. There I sat, innocently reading my book.
During a commercial, Bing got up to sit next to me. I thought she wanted to cuddle a little bit.
"I have something to tell you!" she said.
I smiled. Waited.
"I found out today that I got another Fulbright," she said, her voice almost squeaking with excitement.
"Oh, my GOD!" I exclaimed. "That is wonderful? When? Next summer?"
"No," she said, a little nervously. "I will leave for India in January and be gone until April. Oh..wait. House is back on. I'll share more later."
I sat there stunned. IN THE WINTER? She was leaving me in the WINTER?
I don't mind spending summers alone. Like the song says, in the summertime...the livin' is easy.
But...WINTER? And what about school?
During the next commercial, she said (in what I thought was a very cavalier manner) that she would have to take a four month leave of absence from school.
"Without pay?" I gulped.
She nodded.
And then the commercial was over.
I was sort of shocked and sort of steaming. I was SO MAD that she picked THIS time to tell me. We kept having to stop talking so that she could watch television.
So..yes...no pay for four months. That will take a huge bite out of our income. Will have to dip into savings. And what will she do for health insurance?
India is cheap, she told me.
WHAT?
NO health insurance?
What about her back?
Well, she was smiling. This just gave her LOTS of incentive to work hard to get better.
In the end, I just smiled and told her to go for it.
I don't get this obsession that she has with traveling. But, it is her life and her decision.
But India is so far away and she will be gone for so long and it will be IN THE WINTER.
I finally had to have a long talk with myself in the bathtub. I've lived alone before and did just fine. A LOT of women live on their own. I will be fine.
And this is such an honor for her, it truly is. I am really proud of her.
But...god...all the way to India for FOUR months in the WINTER.
Sigh.
25 comments:
Next time when you want a deep conversation, dvr your show! That's too tense for me.
I wish you both the best of luck.
Your Friend ,m.
wow... but then India in the summer would be a killer... congrats! hang in there....
Wow yeah that's tough. I spent about half a year without my partner who worked in Holland climbing the career ladder and it sucked. And just as I was getting used to it, they arrived back home. Great.
I am very excited for Bing, please do convey my congratulations. And I'm excited its in India, is it in Mumbai or one of the northern cities? At the same time, I feel bad that she won't be with you two for four long months during winter, India is quite far. I'm praying for you three, also hoping Bing's back's alright before the trip. Some Indian roads can be quite bumpy, please tell her to wear a back support when travelling by road as precaution. If you need anything from me please let me know, I can share my contact details by email. I just need your email address.
Sounds like a good excuse to go to India for a while. No winter. Book your ticket now.
You said it all. Sigh... (But what an honor for Bing!)
Frankly? You don't pull a stunt like this without consulting your partner. Long absence during a stretch of the year that you know your partner has a hard time dealing with, and no money? What the hell does she think relationships are about? And I'm upset on your behalf that she says that the Fulbright gives her lots of incentive to work hard to get better. WTF? Is getting back in shape for you and Liv not incentive enough?
Am definitely NOT impressed with Bing's behavior. And I wish you all the patience and endurance and tolerance in the world while digesting this messages of hers. You're a better person than I am, if you succeed.
We have had a couple of opportunities through my husband's work to travel for months-long stints to foreign countries. It was such a great time for our family and for our kids' development in understanding their place in the world. I know you are not crazy about travel, but you should consider trying to figure it out and try to travel with, or at least visit Bing while she is there. These opportunities are coming at a great time in Liv's life. I bet she would love the opportunity. Immersing oneself in another culture is so freeing and life affirming.
You *will* be fine.
And hey - no bitching about the shower for 4 months!
(I'm trying!)
Congrats to Bing.
Maria - you handle things so well. Just pat yourself on the back for that one. I don't think I could have handled that without blowing up - 1st the money thing - I mean, you all have bills to pay and it makes it a bit of a hardship so yeah, it needs to be discussed. It would have been nice if she'd asked you about it instead of kind of just hitting you with it. 2nd - yeah, being gone during the winter. WTH - I mean, again, it would have been nice to have a discussion about it before the fact.
I give it to you, girl. You deserve many rare cheese burgers for this one - maybe look at it that way - you can eat whatever you want over the winter and you and Liv can do all kinds of cool things together.
I live alone & love it, but I also get that when you're used to living with someone & they go away, it's just odd.
You'll be fine, you'll have your moments, but it'll work out. But if you ever find yourself really struggling don't forget to reach out x
Whew, that's a tough one. I am proud of Bing for being that fantastic at what she does. Did she have no option about when and where though? Winter is so tough for you with mobility and all. Part of me feels like it's a bit selfish, especially with no pay or insurance. I know how tightly she watches unneccesary expense. I wouldn't begrudge her the chance to experience all that the world has to offer, since she loves travel, I just wish it was in another season, and that you could go to. If John said he was going away for three months I would pitch a fit, been there done that in a past life and can't see myself feeling good about it ever again. I'm counting on you to do better than me, and to cheer her on. We'll cheer you on thru the winter and Spring will bring her home and an extra reason to celebrate the thawing snowbanks!
By the way, I do think that was kind of underhanded for her to just slip that bit of news in during a show. THose BIG issues are definitely "lets go talk about something" moments, and I'd like to think there's a "let's discuss" option before final approval too.
I guess it's quite an honor, and will help her career. Maria, go visit her this winter. India will be warm, just the break you need then.
Yikes! I suppose it would have been fair to mention that Bing and I HAVE discussed this and I did know that she applied for the Fulbright. I just didn't think she'd get it. I know that sounds like I don't think much of her, but I figured that she just went to Africa two years ago on a Fulbright and wouldn't get this one. She applies for many grants, etc. and usually doesn't get them. It is a rat race, lots of competition.
Wow - congrats to Bing. Quite an evening I am sure.
And, Liv's softball team sounds like a hoot. Only one of our girls played - and it was not her strong sport :)
um, i'm sort of with AnneMarie up there on this one. the timing of this conversation was just the worst, and with no preamble either? no warmup email? nothing? bad form, I think.
but you are right. you are strong. you are woman. you can do it. you will tell winter to suck it.
oops. should have read your reply first. i still think she should have picked a better time to break the news than during House LOL
Okay, wow to know you knew she applied... but still... aargh... hard. Zc
congrats to Bing....think you should have a travel too along with her..!
take care & keep smiling..:)
Tasty Appetite
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Tasty Appetite
Damn.
Good for Bing. What an amazing opportunity!
But I'm sure that I'd be feeling like you are in a similar situation.
You and Liv will be just fine, two strong ladies doing winter on the prairie together.
congrats to bing...inda will be amazing..but still sucks to alone for four months...especially during the winter...winter sucks anyway. I can imagine sneaking something like that in during a show...its kind of a buffer to a convo that might not be the most fun....not that i would but can understand why someone would...anywho...
Okay, well, yeah, that does make a difference, that you talked about it beforehand! Although personally, I would have appreciated a 2nd talk, because of the time frame and the duration and the absence without pay. It's definitely something I'd want to make sure my partner's okay with, instead of just dropping the subject, during a commercial break, as a fact-of-no-return.
But congrats to Bing. And you, ah, you'll manage!
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