Getting Serious #4

What should you make time to do every day?

Relax. I have days that are so crazy that when I get into bed at night, my brain just keeps buzzing. When I consciously make time to relax, everything works and feels better.

What's something that is hard to forget?

An insult. When someone insults you, it stirs something up. As in Rae's comment that it was a pity that a good writer like me should have such a "potty mouth"...I made a joke about it, but it stung. As it was meant to. Target hit.

What's something that easily distracts you?

The internet. I sometimes go on right before bed to check e-mail and I end up clicking on silly stories about the seven best jobs for shy people or how to save 100$ a month and not have it bother you. And before I know it, Bing is standing sleepily at the door asking me if I'm ever coming to bed.

What have you had the urge to do lately?

Hermit. I go through these times. I just want to go to work, come home and be with my family. Read. Walk the dog. Have nowhere that I need to go and nothing that I need to do. I don't answer the phone, don't answer e-mails or texts. This usually coincides with weeks that are particularly busy...like this upcoming week. I am taking Harriet out for dinner on Tuesday for her birthday, going to see Fiddler on The Roof on Wednesday with my sister, taking my niece out on Thursday for her birthday and then  Liv and I are leaving on Friday after work to go to the small town where I grew up to spend the weekend with my two sisters and their families.  Too freakin' busy.

If you were to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45?

Laying in Bing's arms.

If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?

Do the right thing. Whenever you have a decision to make, ask yourself not how it helps/hurts others but is it the right thing to do. Just do the right thing. Easy.

What memory will you cherish for the rest of your life?

Singing the vegetable garden to sleep on sultry summer nights with Liv.

What makes friendship last a lifetime?

Same as a marriage. Trust.

What's your #1 tip for being happy?

Pick a good partner, loyal friends and build a family with those you love not those who share your blood. (If they are both, it's cool. )

What's something many people mistakenly assume about you?

On my blog: that readers think we would be good friends in "real life." Trust me, I'm not easy to be friends with and I am not nearly as warm as I seem.  I've met 5 people who've read my blog. 2 of them told me that I was "way different" than I sound on my blog. Not nearly as accessible or nice, I suspect. Two others got along well with me but said that I was certainly correct about being " aloof." The fifth one became a good friend because we both have the same sense of humor. He told me that we were a couple of freaks and wasn't that nice? It is. It is.

Outside of my blog: Most people are pretty surprised when they find out that I am partnered with a woman. I get the "you don't look gay" comment a lot. A lot.

What word best describes the way you've spent the past year of your life?

Hurrying.

Where do you find strength?

In a sort of meditation. I do it when I walk the dog. I problem solve, dip into problems and try to come up with workable solutions. Listen to that voice in my head that has never steered me wrong, if I just take the time to LISTEN.

What's an important relationship truth that people often forget?

There are days when you will want to leave. There are days when your partner will want to leave. The key is to dig your heels in and hang on, if you can.

I need to practice______ more often.

Self control. Thinking before speaking is always better than blurting everything out.

What makes you feel complete?

I hate to say this because it sounds so cheese ass, but it is Bing. I always felt like someone who got lost in a crowd until she found me. We are completely different people, personalities, but I have never felt so connected with anyone else. She gets me. She just does. And I get her. And against the odds, we are rowing the same boat.

What's a simple truth people often forget?

We are all connected. Yes, I am even connected to my blog stalker, although I wish that she would find someone else to focus on. And the thought of being even remotely close to her sort of makes me want to throw up. But, can't deny it. I am as connected to her as I am to everyone. Connected to Charles Manson too. Also connected to Obama. I LIKE that connection and would be happy to invite him to my house for dinner and drinks. Charles Manson? Not so much.

What I need most right now is_____

To get laid. Well, you asked. Bing and I were talking last night about the last time we made some eggs. Neither one of us could remember.  Now that's not good. We need to find some time for that. Right now, Liv is hanging around and Bing is laying on the floor with an ice bag under her back. Probably not a good time to jump her bones.

What's the #1 trait that makes a person attractive?

A good sense of humor. I even sometimes like stupid people if they have a good sense of humor.

What do you always try to avoid?

The long line at the grocery store. But, no matter. All I have to do is get in any line and five will get you seven that the person in front of me will either 1) forget that they need butter and tell their clueless husband to "run" back and get it real fast 2) be the kind of person who still writes checks and then then wait until their groceries are all rung up before they even take their check book out 3) argue heatedly about the fact that those pretzels were not 1.99$ but 1.89$ or 4) chatter aimlessly with the checker about their daughter who lives in Phoenix and loves it because there is no snow in Arizona.

What has the last year taught you about yourself?

That I can sit back on my heels and not be a pushy parent. Liv made her own decision about what junior high school to attend and I said I would stay out of it and I did. All this despite the fact that she did not choose the Montessori junior high that I really wanted her to attend. And chose a Catholic junior high because she wanted to learn more about the religion and because she liked their science lab. I wanted to scream at her that Catholicism fucked me up good and plenty. I didn't scream. I did tell her exactly what I thought about parochial schools. She listened, considered, and still picked one. I sat on my hands and shut my mouth. And you know, she's doing fine. I underestimated her. She is learning what she likes and doesn't like and sorting it all out nicely.

What thought has been sitting in the back of your mind recently?

That I really, really need to have sex soon.

What is something that you have grown to appreciate more as you've grown older?

A good mattress.

In one sentence, how would you describe your relationship with your father?

He taught me everything I needed in life in ten short years.

What was your life like exactly ten years ago?

Liv was going on 3 years old. I was living alone, had recently purchased the home we live in now. I was working part time as a jury consultant to help support us. I had quit my high paying job when she was four months old and planned to live on my savings for the first five years of her life, knowing we would have to be very, very frugal. I was incredibly happy, but also very lonely. I sometimes went days without speaking to another adult. I rarely went online. I was in love with motherhood and shocked at how good I was at it.

What type of person inspires you?

Someone who doesn't give a shit what other people think.

Ok...time to go grocery shopping. I think I'm done with all this serious thinking for a while. Unless any of you have questions? If not, I will be back with more news from Lake Wobegon this simple life of mine.