I woke up furious with Bing this morning. I dreamed that she was hiding a large dog in our basement. Apparently, she had promised a neighbor that we would keep it and then she had hidden it away and had neglected to feed it or take it outside. In my dream, I was almost crazed with anger.
How could she do this to a poor animal?
I was yelling about it in my dream and then noticed picnic baskets all over the house filled to the brim with junk. She had been hoarding apparently.
When I screamed at her about all of this, she looked me square in the eye and said, "Shut your fat mouth."
This whole dream is unheard of. In the first place, Bing is not a pet person and would never volunteer to care for someone's pet and of course, if we somehow did, she would be the one getting up to let it outside at 2 in the morning.
The junky picnic baskets? Possible, to a lesser degree. She saves everything and I have a lot to say about that.
But what infuriated me the most was that she had called me....FAT.
Okay, my mouth. She called my mouth fat. In my dream. Not in real life.
And I was seeing red, dudes.
She came in to kiss me goodbye as I readied to take my morning shower, took one look at my face and said, "God, I did something in one of your dreams, didn't I?
I told her that yes, in fact, she had. She had boarded a dog and not taken care of him, hoarded junky picnic baskets and told me to shut my FAT mouth.
I continued making the bed and then heard a sound and looked up.
She was standing there....LAUGHING.
"I'm sorry, honey...but GOOD LORD, it was a DREAM!" she said, shaking her head.
I knew that, I told her, rolling my eyes. But...GOD...did she HAVE to call my mouth FAT?
She burst out laughing.
"I nearly kill a dog with neglect, trash up our house and what you are most angry about is that I said you had a FAT MOUTH??? Oh, sweetie....."
She came and tried to hug me and I stiffened. This seemed to make her laugh harder.
Finally, she said, "I'll bring pizza home for dinner, okay? To redeem myself for my bad behavior in your dreams, okay?"
I nodded. "Hamburger with extra cheese on my half!"
She came over to me again and I allowed her to kiss me goodbye.
She paused at the door. And then said, "God, I sure do love you and your big fat mouth...."
My slipper missed her head.