Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Woke up mad

I woke up furious with Bing this morning. I dreamed that she was hiding a large dog in our basement. Apparently, she had promised a neighbor that we would keep it and then she had hidden it away and had neglected to feed it or take it outside. In my dream, I was almost crazed with anger.

How could she do this to a poor animal?

I was yelling about it in my dream and then noticed picnic baskets all over the house filled to the brim with junk. She had been hoarding apparently.

When I screamed at her about all of this, she looked me square in the eye and said, "Shut your fat mouth."

This whole dream is unheard of. In the first place, Bing is not a pet person and would never volunteer to care for someone's pet and of course, if we somehow did, she would be the one getting up to let it outside at 2 in the morning.

The junky picnic baskets? Possible, to a lesser degree. She saves everything and I have a lot to say about that.

But what infuriated me the most was that she had called me....FAT.

Okay, my mouth. She called my mouth fat. In my dream. Not in real life.

And I was seeing red, dudes.

She came in to kiss me goodbye as I readied to take my morning shower, took one look at my face and said, "God, I did something in one of your dreams, didn't I?

I told her that yes, in fact, she had. She had boarded a dog and not taken care of him, hoarded junky picnic baskets and told me to shut my FAT mouth.

I continued making the bed and then heard a sound and looked up.

She was standing there....LAUGHING.

"I'm sorry, honey...but GOOD LORD, it was a DREAM!" she said, shaking her head.

I knew that, I told her, rolling my eyes. But...GOD...did she HAVE to call my mouth FAT?

She burst out laughing.

"I nearly kill a dog with neglect, trash up our house and what you are most angry about is that I said you had a FAT MOUTH??? Oh, sweetie....."

She came and tried to hug me and I stiffened. This seemed to make her laugh harder.

Finally, she said, "I'll bring pizza home for dinner, okay? To redeem myself for my bad behavior in your dreams, okay?"

I nodded. "Hamburger with extra cheese on my half!"

She came over to me again and I allowed her to kiss me goodbye.

She paused at the door. And then said, "God, I sure do love you and your big fat mouth...."

My slipper missed her head.

10 comments:

artemismoon said...

This made me laugh so hard I cried. And then I cried remembering.
We used to have a rule that stated specifically that we could not hold against each other anything that happened in a dream. In the beginning of our relationship there were often dreams where she woke up so angry with me, because of something I had done in her dream. I just waited until it passed....there was nothing I could do because it wasn't anything I had done....it was her dream after all. But sometimes it was hard....she would get so angry.

sybil law said...

Something's up with my reader - I missed your last post (I mean the one before this one). I suck at explaining myself.
Anyway, I'm sure your mouth isn't fat at all. Maybe she meant "supple". Okay - we all know that's bullshit. :)
I love how dreams affect your mood the next day. Mostly because my own dreams have that effect on me and now I don't feel like a lunatic.

Wally B said...

You are a lucky lady.

Rebecca said...

Thank you so much for the laugh.

Kimberly said...

She is a saint. Haha. Love this. Laughing at the fact that you continuously get so worked up over dreams. I think it's cute, but then, I don't have to be on the receiving end of your wrath! ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

First of all, you need to work on your aim.

I think it's interesting that in your dream you attributed the animal neglect to Bing. I have a recurring bad dream in which I suddenly remember that I haven't fed our three ponies (the ones we actually had) for a very long time and try to find them, but they have wandered away over miles of snow-covered hills and I can't. But I have never dreamed that anyone else did this, so I have only myself to blame. You're a cagey one, Maria.

On balance, "fat mouth" is a bit better than "pie hole," which I really detest.

iamheatherjo said...

Ditto what Kimberly said.

I DO have a fat mouth. It's one of the only body parts I have that I'm totally okay with being big. People pay to have a FAT mouth like mine. ;)

the cuby poet said...

This is a great story and I feel that I would behave in the same way if someone called me fat and excuse all other failings.

the only daughter said...

Just the thing for a cold Wednesday (and even colder Thursday). lol

Ickaboo said...

I used to wake up mad because of dreams when I was married, too. Don't miss that at all!!