Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Breaking down on the drive home.

Everything was fine. The day had started in a difficult way, had to go to the doctor to get blood tests. I have to do this every several months to make sure that I am in remission and that my liver and kidneys aren't being damaged by the medications I have to take. But, that went well. The nurse got me on the first stick, which is a feat since I not only have "tricky" veins but they also roll.

The rest of the day had went well too. No surprises, no cancellations, nothing very difficult. So, I was driving home and okay, it was spitting snow and I detest snow, but I was dealing, people.

I noticed a cd that Nirand had left for me before he and Tinton went back to Colorado after visiting us over Christmas and the New Year. He often does this, compiles songs that he thinks I would enjoy and he astonishes me by almost always choosing perfectly.

So, I was inching along in rush hour traffic, listening to Nirvana talk about smelling like teen spirit and Springsteen commenting about the screen door slamming ad Mary's dress waving. The Beatles reminded me that the love you take is equal to the love you make. Janis waxed on about freedom being just another word for nothing left to lose. CCR was no senator's son. And then I heard a quiet piano begin.

I was pulled in instantly by Adele. And then her voice sort of imploded inside of me. The pain in her voice swiveled around my heart, melting all around it. I felt a wave of emotion take over my soul and my throat was suddenly aching with heartache. Her heartache. Mine. Yours. All of ours. Because no one gets skipped, you know?

I pulled into a cemetery and just sat quietly, listening, tears gathering and falling. I put my head on the steering wheel and just let it all out.

And then I picked myself up and dusted myself off and headed back into traffic.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

yeah, no one is spared and it is music which unlocks this. it both tears us up and puts us back together again. sort of like stories.

hope you feel better soon.

limping along here. the girl has mild virus and i seem to be stuck in the weeds of mood again. winter break was a lot about loss and life and funerals and packing. it somehow was all rather life affirming in the end... but now here i am, struggling to feel motivated and missing my fam.

tired of the girl being a tween, too.

hard to believe she was once glued to my side.

take care!

zc

sybil law said...

It's a fact - the woman can sing!!
Sometimes, a good cry is the best.

kristi said...

Yes me too. Everytime I heard this song I cried, every time. Now not so much, so I got over it. But wow, she can sing!

Fiona said...

"Her heartache. Mine. Yours. All of ours. Because no one gets skipped, you know?"

How very true, Maria. I have to admit having shed a few tears to that song, more than once.

Vinita said...

When I first read the title, I thought it was the car that broke down. But breaking down when listening to music is what I do especially when I've been holding in my feelings for quite some time. Hope you felt better after letting it all out. Adele's Hometown made me feel the same.

Big hug to you!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

She has a wonderful voice, and seeing the Pont Neuf again doesn't hurt either. You're right about heartache. No one gets skipped. I think that's called "life."

LL Cool Joe said...

What amazes me about this song is the way it bridges the generations too. I often get asked to play it at 12/13 year old discos, and the kids just stand there singing along as if they've already experienced the feeling of a broken heart. Amazing.

sillywrongbutvividright said...

I very much relate, quite often on the bus on the way to work when I have my MP3 player on shuffle a song will invoke tears or make me miss my stop.

It just so happens that she released that song just as my heart was breaking last year .. it kind of feels a bit plastic to me now, like looking at a photo of something very emotional, and feeling nothing.

She sang the song on The Brits (the English version of The Grammys) and broke down herself singing it ... I would highly recommend finding the video on youtube (search 'Adele Brits Someone like you') as it's beautiful to watch such raw emotion ..

the cuby poet said...

Adele seems blessed with the most beautiful, emotional, powerful voice. Her music is quite wonderful I understand why you had to stop.

Rose said...

Isn't it amazing how sometimes a song can trigger all of our emotions when we least expect it? But those cathartic moments can be so helpful, too, so we don't carry all that stuff around inside of us. (((you)))

Mitch Block said...

You are not alone. So glad you headed back into traffic (that's what I'm trying to do myself). And especially glad you knew to pull off the road!

gartlande said...

When I hear this song, I'm always amazed at how a 21 year old girl can sing about my 50 year old life.

Rebecca said...

Adele's voice is phenomenal. I am looking forward to when she is a bit older to see how it, and her material, develops.

There are many songs that catch me up like that. Sometimes I don't realize it until I reach a certain point in the song because I am singing along to it, and I break. Brian thinks I'm weird when that happens. Music is a very powerful medium.

e said...

I can't click on that video. I know I'll start crying. That song was in my head when my mumsey died and I went home and put it on repeat and cried an ocean.

Love Adele but have to guard against the emotion... at least right now.

Shit. Tearing up just thinking about the damned song...

Kimberly said...

I have a LONG list of songs that make me cry like a baby. Sometimes it's necessary. And I admit, I do love this song.

the only daughter said...

How so very odd, second time in as many days someone has mentioned this song, artist.

Yeah, what you, she, and everyone said. Yeah.

iamheatherjo said...

Sounds like you had some things on your mind and the song just brought everything rushing right out all at once. Sometimes the strangest songs can set me off, but it's usually more about what's been on my mind than the actual song.

ChiTown Girl said...

Do you see why I'm so completely OBSESSED with her?

Fenstar de Luxe said...

aaah she sure has an amazing voice!

I not only have "tricky" veins but they also roll.
ME TOO! I always congratulate anyone who gets blood first go, coz it's a rare thing these days!