I got home pretty late from work. Both Bing and Liv are off until January 4th from their schools.
Tinton (Liv's father), Nirand (Tinton's business partner and best friend), Vince (old friend from med school), and Thuan (Vince's life partner) are ALL coming in on Friday afternoon from Colorado and Chicago.
I took tomorrow off for the sole purpose of getting this pig sty of a house in order.
So, I come home late after 1) getting my hair cut (and that is a whole other blog...let's just say my usual stylist was ill and I had her sub...who has no business cutting hair), 2) stopping at Target to pick up a new pair of slippers since my old ones are driving me crazy and according to their ad in the Sunday paper, Dunkin' Donut coffee was on sale for half price...and any coffee drinker knows that Dunkin' Donut coffee rocks big time...coffee was GONE, so had to get a rain check, but did get some pretty pink puffy slippers, and 3) stopping at the library to pick up four new books that are in for me.
I told Liv and Bing to eat without me since they were just warming up leftover chicken soup. Bing was playing on her i-pad. Liv was watching television. I noticed the dining room light on and there on my brand new BEAUTIFUL table are piles and piles of....OLD COINS.
Bing's mother died last year and left bags and bags of old coins and Bing said that she would go through them and see if any of them were worth anything. Now, the key words here are LAST YEAR. She died LAST YEAR and the coins have been gathering dust in the basement. So, of course, Bing picks the day before I need to clean the house to haul them up for perusal.
I also notice bread pans lining the kitchen counters and bags of white chocolate chips and sliced almonds.
I manage to say, "Hello, how was your day?" before I start in on her.
WHY is she bringing up COINS when I need the house to be CLEAN tomorrow? WHY is she baking? Is this tomorrow? When I planned to scrub the kitchen so that when Thuan and Nirand cook, it looks like pigs don't live here instead of people?
Bing is lackadaisical.
"Oh, yeah," she says. "I thought it might be interesting to look at some of those coins. Got through the quarters, still have the dimes and nickels left. And I was going to bake today, but I am short of eggs, so will pick them up tomorrow..."
DOES SHE NOT SEE THE HORRIFIED LOOK ON MY FACE?
"Bing! We are CLEANING tomorrow? And taking Socks to the groomer! And grocery shopping for Nirand and Thuan so that they can bake and cook! I took the day OFF tomorrow with that plan in mind and I told you ahead of time! You are NOT going to spend the day lollygagging over coins and baking! NO! Just no!"
She sighs. Puts on her long suffering face.
"Maria, you always get way too freaked about cleanliness. Our home is JUST FINE! Just needs a dusting and vacuuming and that will take up an hour. And I'll take Socks in, no worries. C'mon. Calm down. Chill."
She looks at my face (and Socks' face too...he understands perfectly what the word groomer means and he is plotting his escape, I can see his eyes getting that beady look) and tries for humor.
"Sweetie, you're harshing my mellow here, babe...."
I am ready to blow my top. I want to throw my library books at her.
Then, she suddenly notices my hair.
"Wow, you really got a LOT off, honey! I thought you were just going in for a trim?"
I want to sit down and cry and throw all the baking pans on the floor.
Instead, I keep my voice steady.
"We are cleaning tomorrow. The coins are going back into the basement until our guests go home. No baking. Did you put fresh bedding on the beds like I asked you to this morning?"
She gives me a blank look.
I would like to say that I spoke calmly and with conviction. I did not. I went on a tirade.
I said that I was NOT the cleaning lady.
I said that she PROMISED to change the bedding.
I said that I was SICK and TIRED of her NOT HELPING. That she was a slob and a selfish pig who expected me to do all the cleaning. That I want my home to be clean and pretty for company.
And then I stuck my fist in the air like Scarlett O'Hara and said, "AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, YOU WILL HELP ME AND YOU WILL SMILE AND NOT COMPLAIN!"
It was too much for even me.
I shook my head, embarrassed and then stomped upstairs to change into my jeans and chucks.
When I came back down, Bing handed me a note and then she and Liv stood in front of the Christmas tree and sang that song from The Grinch.
The note said, "WE WILL HELP! WE WILL SMILE! COINS GONE! NO BAKING! WE LOVE YOU! CHILL! YOUR HAIR LOOKS CUTE!"
Temper tantrum put on hold......