Christmas decorations are up. Presents purchased. Still need to do a holiday baking,but it will be a small one since Vince and Thuan are coming for Christmas and they are the bakers of our tribe.
I will make fudge for the office Christmas party and Liv and I will pump out the obligatory frosted and sprinkled sugar cookies for all the neighbors.
I should be pretty happy. Even my Christmas cards are done and mailed.
But, IT WON'T STOP SNOWING. The first time it was pretty, now I am done with it. No more. Maybe a little on Christmas Eve just for the fun of it.
BUT I AM SICK OF SNOW. And it has barely begun.
It took me an hour and twenty minutes to drive home from work today. In an icy mess.
My lips are chapped, my fingernails tender and my skin so dry and scaly that I feel like I want to just jump into a vat of Vaseline.
I know I am a wussy pants. But, I truly do not like Winter. At all. I HATE feeling cold. Hate that feeling when the alarm goes off and I know that I have to climb out of that nice warm bed and put my bare foot on the freezing cold floor.
Bing is out de-icing our driveway so that we can both go to work tomorrow and Liv to school.
I feel like an eskimo when I leave the house, all wrapped up in my long heavy coat, mittens, a scarf, and a hat that will leave my hair all flat and ugly.
I have zilch Christmas spirit.
I am faking it, because that is what you do when you have a child. You fake it a lot. Don't sit there and tell me that you NEVER fake it for your child/children. If you are a parent, you do.
I did the stupidest thing today. I was in the office bathroom and I noticed that the custodian had put a half full roll of toilet paper on top of the fresh one in the roller.
You will NEVER guess what I did.
Okay, you might. Because I am transparent even though I think I am cagey.
I STOLE THE TOILET PAPER. I HAD MY PURSE WITH ME BECAUSE I WAS HEADED UP TO THE CAFETERIA FOR LUNCH, SO I PUT IT IN MY PURSE.
I sat there at lunch, talking nonchalantly with my co-workers but secretly wondering if I was now a kleptomaniac. And that is probably not a trait that people want in their shrink.
I put the toilet paper back.
Sternly told myself that this is NOT college. I no longer live in an apartment with a hole in the floor that looks down into the apartment beneath me. I have heat that actually works and doesn't make such a loud banging noise that it wakes me from a sound sleep (and believe me, when you are in med school, you can fall deeply asleep in a matter of seconds.)
I no longer work in a cafeteria to make ends meet. I no longer serve scrambled eggs with a net on my head. I don't have to pilfer apples and oranges for lunch.
The truth? When I was making my way up my career and was very, very poor, I often stole toilet paper. I stole it from bathrooms everywhere.
It was a habit. If the toilet paper wasn't on the steel holder, I took it home with me. Back then I had a backpack.
So, I think it was just a stupid lapse.
Either that or it was just the little stuff for now and soon I will be stealing lipstick from Target and then moving on to table lamps and pricey watches.
I am watching myself carefully to see if I lapse.
I am feeling insecure. I need you to tell me some stupid thing that you did once like stealing a half roll of toilet paper. Something even more stupid would be so great. Because I am half amused at myself and half very, very disappointed.
I am a mother, a role model. (I almost wrote "roll model" and that made me snort.)
We don't steal toilet paper. We scorn people who do those kinds of things.
Tell me something right now, so that I can scorn you a little. Because you know you are scorning me too right now.
Tell me something you did that took yourself by surprise and not in a good way.
C'mon...it will make me laugh and stop being a scrooge. A stealing scrooge.