I picked up Liv from school today and when we got home I made us both a milk shake and we went outside to sit in the back yard. It was glorious out, warm and silky with a breeze that felt just right.
I had brought out Bing's old boom box with us and I set it down next to us while we went around giving all the flowers a good long drink from the hose.
I asked her if it was getting better. She nodded, said that yes, it was getting easier.
"I still don't get this style of learning," she said. "It's just...tedious. All that waiting around for others to catch up on the things you already know and then when you feel as if you are faltering, you are scrambling to find a way to stay up with the others. Math is so easy for me, I get so bored while the teacher explains again and again about the same thing. English is hard. I DETEST diagramming sentences. It is so hard and some of the rules just don't make sense. I feel myself falling behind and don't feel comfortable saying that I don't get clause configurations, although predicates make sense. I get so worried that I will fall behind...."
We can work on that, I told her. I can diagram a sentence. I don't LIKE to, but I can. So, we can work on that tonight, if you think you can stomach it...
She said yes and thank you, Mama.
She said that the teasing by certain boys was abating. But, the girls...how does one figure them? Some were just plain snotty and she had no idea WHY. Others seemed nice but when in a group would often abandon her. Why was that?
I told her that human nature is a tough nut. Especially junior high girls. The snotty ones? Probably not worth your time. The ones who are nice one on one but abandon her in a group? They may not realize that they are doing it, maybe are just hanging with their groups.
You don't really have a group yet, maybe you will never have one. I never really did. But, you must be patient and just enjoy your own company sometimes until you get the opportunity to reach out to someone who interests you. Don't let it matter if it is a boy or a girl, just look for interesting personalities. Like that boy who talked to you about fantasy football. What was his name?
"David. He's nice, but very quiet. And someone teased him for talking to me, a GIRL, so he shied away a little bit," she answered.
Well, I told her. He was a start, yes?
She nodded.
The flowers were sated, all had their drinks.
I reached down and flipped on the boom box and held out my arms.
"Wanna dance?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes and smiled, but took my hands.
"I love you, mother," she said very, very quietly.
"And I adore you, Livvie Belle," I told her.
Slowly and then with more gusto, with no cares about who was watching (no one) or who would judge us (no one), we danced...just me and Livvie. With the flowers all around us, slowly nodding in the breeze, approving our almost Autumn dance. The flowers liked us, I think. They are in their old age, getting ready to sleep all Winter. They like music. They like watching us dance, feeling us love each other.
Because, really...all is love.
Just me and Liv. All is love.
15 comments:
Ah, progress. Or the seedlings of progress, at least.
Also, 20 years later I can officially say that diagramming sentences was the dumbest, most pointless thing I had to learn in all of high school. And my favorite teacher totally appreciated me saying so in her class, I'm sure. ;-)
I hope to have the kind of relationship with my daughter as you have with Liv....
These are the memories that last a lifetime - for you and for her. Has she started playing soccer for the school yet? That is usually a good way to make allies.
Perfection. :)
Awwww. Whenever I read such posts of yours, they make me relive my own precious daughters' younger years, when the flowers and I were younger, too.
I'm so glad things are getting better. Liv will never really understand mean-spirited people because there is nothing in her for them to resonate with. Someday she will truly know her worth. And I couldn't agree more about the tediousness of traditional "education."
New schools are tough. My 16 year old has just moved from a posh private school, to a much rougher state school (her choice) and it's already a challenge for her, but they come through it. Stronger and more able to cope with the shit that life throws their way.
YaY.
i feel like you and i are sort of on the same road at the moment, with our kids at this age, except my boy is very cool. and by that i mean he doesn't divulge a lot about emotions so i find myself constantly reading his expression...and nothin for nothin, but what a beautiful memory you created with you tonight in the garden :-) i loved that.
I am a long time follower and I want to say thank you for your blog. In particular I want to thank you for showing me, with your words, how to be "out" to a conservative prairie family that is less than overjoyed to know the information. I wanted you to know that your posts have assisted in giving me the strength me to come out to my family after 18 years. I finally came out to my aunt and cousins this weekend at a family reunion. I am still working up the courage to tell my mother and sister, but that will come in time. Thank you for taking a risk and writing about part of who you are, in a public forum. Your words have made a difference in my life.
Note: I realize this comment doesn't match up to the corresponding post; however, I couldn't find another way to contact you.
So much of this post captured both of my daughters perfectly. My new high schooler, in the 9th grade, is bored to death in math, for the exact same reason Liv is. And we already put her in the most advanced class available. No "honors" classes for 9th graders, apparently.
And my 7th grader--there's a new girl in school who likes has a posse and likes to talk down about her. My daughter isn't into the latest fashions or giggling about boys or being mean. So I find myself giving her a lot of the same advice you're giving Liv.
Thanks for your writing. Sometimes it helps to just know there's someone else out there going through the same thing.
Math and the other school subjects are important, but learning to work with difficult people/situations is equally important. She needs to know this.
She is lucky to have you guiding her through this. A lot of kids aren't close to a parent who can give them advice on how to handle these situations. She knows she can always come home to you and be supported.
I didn't enjoy diagramming sentences in school, but it certainly helped me learn grammar. And it is formulaic, so someone who is good at math should be quite good at diagramming once she gets the hang of it. :)
Such a beautiful moment!
Kathy R,
I can't thank you enough for your kind words. Sometimes I feel as if people read my blog and only see the rather vain older woman who misses her beauty and is constantly battling the urge to run out of the relationship and into some bad boy's/girl's arms.
I am so much more than that and thank you so much for seeing it and commenting on it. It is such a luxury to be admired sometimes! I'm glad that I could help because there were so many who helped me. We have to pass it on, you know? Thank you for allowing me to feel as if someone saw past my vanity and had a peek at my heart.
Junior high is the worst. I hope the two of you keep this relationship going that you have right now. It will make things so much better for her during these extra tough years.
Sigh...very beautiful, Maria...very very beautiful. :)
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