"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays but straight people get more cake- you know, to send the right message to kids."
"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."
"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your house and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?"
"To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who is your real friend? It's a person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that."
"We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies."
"The problem is that people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are the most certain of them."
"Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that Oh, I don't get involved in politics, as if that makes you somehow cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable."
"I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally."
"I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma."
"Only 42% of Republicans believe that Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America Christians are the only ones who won't take anything on faith?"
"If conservatives get to call universal healthcare socialized medicine, I get to call private for-profit healthcare soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain."
"When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That's something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they're talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values."
"Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug. These are the same qualifications for Tickle Me Elmo."
So...yeah or nay? Are you a Bill Maher fan or not?