Saturday, May 07, 2011

Ponder this

What is it about Sam's Club stores that make me want to punch people?

And is it just me or is almost every person in the store seriously obese?

And wearing tube tops.

Bing's class at school is selling flamin' hot cheetoes to earn money for their trip to Philadelphia this summer, so she and I went to Sam's Club to buy them cheap. BOXES and BOXES of them.

The thing is...you go in that store and it is like Wal-Mart. You are sort of sickened and fascinated at the same time. There are all these incredible bargains but the clientele is just...odd.

Like this very large woman who kept yelling at her child. I think his name was Cody because she kept screaming, "CODY! PUT THAT DOWN. DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID NO. NO. MAMA SAID NO! NO CODY RAY!! WHAT DID MAMA JUST SAY?"

And why is she referring to herself in the third person?

I, for one, was rooting for Cody Ray.

I became hopelessly lost in a long aisle of flip flops.

I put green flip flops in the cart and I have no idea why. I suspect that there is some sort of subliminal recording going on in that place.

OK, shoppers. Whatever you are looking at now? You MUST HAVE IT. NOW. Put it in your cart. That's right. Put it right in your cart. Good job...

In the car on the way home, Bing and I got into a big fight over our new shower door which she wants me to use a squeegee thing on each and every time I get out of the shower.

I told her that the reason I take a shower is to get CLEAN. NOT to clean when I get out of it.

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was so mad at her I was barely speaking to her.

And then when we walked into the house, Bing said, "CODY? DO YOU HEAR ME? I SAID NO. NO!!"

And I started laughing and the spell was broken.

The Wal-Mart/Sam's Club curse was off of us.

Whew.

7 comments:

JohnD said...

Must admit that I did not know what "flamin' hot cheetoes" were, so, I did some research. Holy cow! People actualleat stuff? Personally I would not re-sell such a product and just make a financial donation to the fund raiser instead.

As far as the "Curse of Wal-Mart/Sam's Club" is concerned, we have Big W and K-Mart which I recognises as the Wal-Mart/Sam's Club equivalents! Horrible barn-like structures with awful music playing over the p.a. system and punctuated every couple of minutes by some commercial 'in-store, NOW! special!"

Dawn said...

bahahaha!!! I must say, having someone in your life that knows how to diffuse a situation is amazing. My roommate does the same sort of thing, where she'll say something ridiculous or funny and it will make me laugh and all the anger flies out the window. I think having those type of people around you is awesome. I would be so much angrier/crankier if she didn't see the silliness in the situation.

I will say, our Sam's Club isn't so bad. They are actually "normal" people shopping. Walmart, though...well...What IS interesting is that our town made ours a Super Walmart, and the clientele seems different. Maybe just because its bigger?

Sarahf said...

In Japan, we have Don Quixote the discount store, which is full of teenagers in Puma (it's always Puma) sweat pants and Hello Kitty flip flops. I always get lost in there, so I keep my visits to an absolute minimum.

JY said...

i havent been in a walmart in ages, but i think regardless of town.. they're all the same and attract fascinating creatures for study...

Mark said...

That was too funny! I loved that she called you Cody. She really knows how to break the ice.
Your Friend, m.
p.s. Fred and I had that same fight once. m.

Anonymous said...

With all due respect, selling boxes and boxes of cheetos isn't going to help the obesity epidemic.

kn

iamheatherjo said...

I don't shop at Walmart. I just...hate it. I don't care what kind of deals and sales they offer, I just don't shop there.

I haven't really noticed any more obese folks at Costco/Sam's Club than I have any other grocery store around here but I'm kind of a big person myself so maybe I don't pay attention. Haha! ;)

When I lived with The Big Stupid Biker one of the ways we were able to get along is that I refused to take him grocery shopping with me. We always ended up bickering about something and that's one of the things about relationships I loathe (hence, one of the many reasons I remain single).