Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Naked as we came

We were laying in bed last night, holding each other before sleep.

I confess that I am not a snuggler, in general. But some rainy nights are made for cuddling up and whispering softly and last night was perfect for that.

I know every inch of her.

I know that her breath will smell like Crest toothpaste when she comes to bed. She knows that my face will be slathered with La Mer.

We talk softly about our days, how they went. She tells me about that one kid that she just can't seem to reach no matter how hard she tries. I tell her about how I wish I could just fire my secretary, I like her less and less with each day that passes, but she is elderly and I can't bring myself to do it even though the office would surely cheer me on if I did.

She strokes my breast softly, running her fingertips over my nipple.

It isn't sexual, just...comforting.

We kiss. Once. Twice. Thrice.

She pulls me closer and I put my head into the crook of her neck. My place.

We are quiet and I think she is almost asleep and I say, "Promise something?"

She takes a breath. "Ok, what?" she asks.

"Promise me that when I die you will put my ashes around the magnolia tree and the rose bushes," I say, trying to keep my voice from catching.

"MARIA!" she says, not as softly. "You aren't going anywhere. You are staying right here with me forever. We will die in each other's arms. Let's make a deal right now. Pinky swear?"

I am quiet.

I finally say, "We should know these things about each other, yes? Like, if you die first where should I put your ashes?"

She sighs. Strokes my hair, takes a hank of it and kisses it.

"Somewhere in water," she finally says, after I wondered if she had fallen asleep. "I want to be somewhere in water. How about Lake Pontchartrain?"

I agree to this and we kiss some more. It is getting late and we both are sleepy.

I turn on my side and she spoons me like she always does. We will fall asleep this way but when I wake up at 3:14 a.m. (every night like clockwork) she will be facing away from me.

It is good to have this settled between us. Good to know that she will take care of me and I will take care of her.


sybil law said...

It is good, indeed. :)

ChiTown Girl said...

As much as I love the strong, independent woman I have come to be, reading things like this remind me how alone I am. I want what you guys have. I suppose I'd better write down what I want somewhere for when the time comes. Although, first I'd better decide exactly what that is...

the only daughter said...

I have tried to talk with my son and daughter and as you might imagine, neither wanted to hear or talk about it. I did manage to get some things said, but will also write them down--they both KNOW I do not want to be buried.

My daughter did say that any partner to come along at this stage (or later) of the game will, "not have a say."

More talking. Recording.

And yes, indeed to have some points settled.

Jason, as himself said...

This was so, so sweet.

Sarahf said...

What you guys have is wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Good indeed! It is so hard to talk about dying, and what to do with your remains, but it is good to know whent the time comes. As nice as it would be to die together like in "The Notebook", it most likely won't happen that way for most of us.

Mark said...

Very Nice. m.

Chris said...

file that under conversations no one wants to have, but should.

for years i tried to have similar conversations about such things, and about where the Boy should go if we should meet our demise...

but R would have none of it then.

When he got sick and with the ensuing treatment, we did have some of those conversations and I felt better afterwards, though, like you, it was hard to keep my voice from catching.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

All well and good, but I much prefer the idea of dying in each other's arms - say at 100 years or so.

Earth Muffin said...

Lovely. Your post and the song. I am a big fan of Iron and Wine.

jo.irish.rose said...

yes it is important to have things settled. we have a will, but i must admit....we were young when we made them. things change. so i think with taking care of our aging parents now, we have come to different decisions. so with that, i think it is good to go and have things redone. good idea. thanks for the reminder maria. and yes, it was very, very moving and eye opening. hope you get it all in writing tho, nothing is taken seriously now-a-days, unless its in black and white and people are appointed. been there, done that!! lol have a good rest of the week, ladies...

weese said...

I have been given strict instructions. I am NOT to die first. I must always be here to take care of things, to take care of her.
And... so I will. :)

Fusion said...

Wonderful, heartfelt post Maria. Reminded me of the talk I had with my wife when she realised (and I didn't at that point) she wasn't going to survive her illness...

You both are so lucky to have each other.