Socks hasn't ratted me out yet. Probably because he gets to go on a morning walk and then lay on the bed or sofa with me all afternoon.
It's my dirty little secret.
I still have my cell on. If someone needs to contact me, I am just a phone call away. So, I am not unreachable.
I am just alone. Which is what I love to be. Sometimes.
Don't get me wrong. I love my life. It is full and busy and sweet. And last summer, when I was alone for months at a time, I was bereft. At first. And then I am half ashamed to admit that I did just okey dokey. The truth: I missed Liv daily, but not Bing. I think this is part of being a mother. It just comes with the price of admission. But...after the first few days of missing Bing, I was fine. I think it had everything to do with the fact that I knew that, in August, she was coming back home. If we had broken up or she had died or something, I'm quite sure that I would have been morose. But, we hadn't split up and she was very alive. So, in the meantime, the WHOLE bed was mine. I ate what I wanted when I wanted. If I wasn't hungry for lunch until 2 p.m., I ate then. If I wanted wine with dinner, I had it. And on a few of the weekends that were rainy, I confess that I laid in bed ALL DAY long with my book, snuggled up and only got up to let Socks out to make a mad dash to pee and then come loping back.
I listened to Lee DeWyze a lot. This alone would have made Bing want to scream. She calls him that coffee house singer and is not particularly impressed.
But, the truth is that when my phone rang and I saw the Liv icon, I practically sprang into action to get it right away. With Bing...okay...a few times I let it go to voicemail, times when I just didn't feel like listening to how interesting African tribal drum music was. Once, she played me a complex piece on a bongo and I felt the beginnings of a migraine, I swear it.
So, now that everyone is back home, my alone times are few and far between. I can't even run to the store for a phone battery without one or both of them wanting to go with me.
I listen to my book on tape in the car as I drive to and from work and sometimes I sit in the parking lot at work, cherishing my time alone.
I've tried going to bed early to get some alone time but I seem to be a magnet for both my lover and my daughter. Either Liv will come in and bounce, bounce, bounce on the bed and ask me what I am reading and what is it about and hey, can she interrupt for just one moment to ask me a question about this one thing...or Bing will come in and ask me if I would like a foot rub or a back rub. This is code for you are laying in that bed looking tasty and I am bored with watching old movies downstairs...Liv just went to bed...so WANNA FUCK?
No. I want to be alone. Like Greta Garbo.
If Bing is in the house, music is playing. She is just built that way. This would be fine if she was listening to Lee DeWyze, but no...she likes reggae and jazz. Frankly, jazz makes me feel like my nerves are snapping rubber bands and reggae, after an initial foot tapping few moments, makes me feel like I am babysitting a hyperactive child.
Plus, in the evenings, we have television shows that we never miss. It is sort of pathetic but I guess it could be worse.
On Sundays, we all watch The Amazing Race. We have bets on who is going to win. I am rooting for the Harlem Globetrotter team, Liv likes the cowboys and Bing has been pouting ever since they sent the mother/deaf son team home.
On Mondays, I watch Hawaii Five-O and yes, Bing, I do know that the story lines are lame. I just enjoy watching Scott Caan and Alex O'Loughlin. And it is merely a rumor that I once licked the television screen when Steve McGarrett did not have a shirt on.
On Tuesdays, we all watch Glee. Bing says she "isn't crazy" about this show but then what the hell is she doing sitting on the sofa watching it? Liv and I are known to do impromtu dance numbers when this is on.
Wednesdays and Thursdays are ABSOLUTELY NO ARGUING nights for American Idol. And yes, until last year, I was one of those uppity snots who sat with my nose in the air about this show and swore it was pablum for the masses. And then I decided to just see how Ellen was on the show and then there was Lee DeWyze and before you could say cougar, I was hooked. I promised Bing that I would not watch it this year ("Why would I wanna watch, honey? Lee isn't on this year! Well, maybe if he guests on it, I will watch THAT show....") but I lied. Liv and I watched the first show and now I am rooting for Paul McDonald while she likes James Durbin. Bing, who pretends that she is only marginally fond of this show has actually VOTED, something that neither Liv nor I have done. And it was for the reggae singer, Naima who has since been voted off and Bing is still sulking. But, I will tease her until her death that I caught her secretly voting for her. Her reasoning was that she somehow knew that she would be voted off and she was trying to postpone the inevitable.
Fridays, we all are hooked on Fringe. So much so that we all go out for pancakes on Fridays (family tradition) and then rush to the grocery store to do the week's shopping before it starts at 8 p.m. Yes, we are snorting tv pigs.
Saturdays? Nothing. But, hey...we need one night to play scrabble.
So, can you blame me for wanting to be alone sometimes? I feel like from the moment I get home in the evenings, I am surrounded by my family. Whom I love. Seriously. But, some days...I just want to lay around and not be hit on by my wife because Liv isn't around and she thinks that means it is romance time or have Liv tell me that, by the way, it is her turn to bring treats to school tomorrow.
I just want me time. Time to paint my toenails and not have to paint Liv's too or have Bing sit there watching me paint my toenails and for some strange reason, think this is sexy.
Today, I stayed home. And this is what I did:
1) I took Socks for a nice long morning walk.
2) I ate a bowl of cream of wheat for breakfast and put brown sugar on it.
3) I read an article in a magazine about how Lee DeWyze is now dating the girl that played his love interest in his video and that they are pretty serious. I studied her photo and admitted that she is gorgeous, but good hell...she IS a model and she IS only 20 and she doesn't have a full time job so that she can earn money for her daughter's college tuition. She also makes insipid remarks about how she loves her "daddy" so much because he pays her speeding tickets. Little brat. Oh, Lee. I sort of feel like I did when I found out that Springsteen married Julianne Philips. Like..God..at least marry some earthy girl who looks like she could inspire all those slice-of-life songs that you write. You know...NOT a model....
And then he married Patti and I forgave him. So...Lee needs to find a Patti.
4) I put on an old Aerosmith album and danced with the dog.
5) This made me dizzy, so I laid on the sofa for a while.
6) I painted toenails and fingernails a very soft mauve color. My days of fire engine red are behind me.
7) I tried out the new eyelash "rejuvenator" that is supposed to make my eyelashes fuller. I used to have such long eyelashes that they would occasionally hit my glasses. Now that never happens. So...I spent some $ on this eyelash gunk. Don't tell Bing. When I do that kind of shit, it annoys her. She doesn't understand makeup.
8) I ran the dishwasher and then thought that this was a bad idea because Bing will come home and wonder when I had time to do this when I was at work. I am not a good hider. I could never have an affair. I would be doing stupid things like leaving love letters sitting out on my dresser or somehow manage to get a very juvenile looking hickey or something equally stupid.
9) I started a new book: The Pioneer Woman; Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond because someone once told me that our blogs were similar. I took a look at her blog and decided that she was WAY better than me at blogging, but when I saw her book, I bought it because if it is as good as her blog, it is good.
10) I sent dirty text messages to my sisters to make them laugh. Especially, Jessie...who is teaching her religion class about now. I like to make her feel very, very guilty but laugh anyway.
12) I e-mailed my friend in West Virginia and told her that YES, I would be flying up in late April to go to the Lee DeWyze concert with her. She knows of my
12) I watched the beginning of a movie with a very young Robert DeNiro in it but decided that I didn't need to spend my day watching television until Ellen is on.
And now, Ellen is coming on, so I am going to go slog on the sofa with the dog and maybe eat some ice cream too.
I will be alone soon enough. Bing is spending the month of June in Berlin and Liv is spending 10 days in June with her father who is spending the summer in Paris teaching. So...June will be a solitary month for me.
Ever play hookey? And if not, WHY NOT?