Monday, September 20, 2010

Dream

I know. I know. It sucks to have to listen to other people's dreams.

But, hey...YOU were in my dream last night, so suck it up and keep reading because I really, really want your opinion.

I was in a church (keep reading, it gets better) and there was this fire-and-brimstone female preacher there. She looked like Anita Bryant and she was literally yelling and screaming.

HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG! IT VIOLATES OUR SENSE OF MORALS AND MAKES BABY JESUS WEEP!

And she said HEY ZEUS instead of JESUS, so she was at least good for comic relief.

Because it is really really funny when white bread people say Hey Zeus.

At any rate, I was sitting next to someone. Do not know if it was a male or a female, I just know that they were writing me really funny notes. Things like:

Is it just me or is church overrated?

I wonder what Anita looks like when she cums? DOES she cum? EVER? Do you think she is a whimperer or the type that grabs your ears and screams? Do you think she screams HEY ZEUS! or is that just wrong on so many levels?

I'm hungry now. Let's go to IHOP and get pancakes.

What the hell is she throwing her fist in the air for? She has armpit hair that could be braided, dude. I would have NEVER guessed that she wasn't a pit shaver. She looks SO much like a scrupulous pit shaver, don't you think?


Whoever it was had on these GREAT sneakers. Chuck Taylors.

Then, he/she handed me a new note. It said:

I'm one of your blog readers. Guess which one!

I made an attempt to see the face of my witty companion but he/she put her/his hands over my eyes. I smelled something sort of....patchouli-ish. Hmmm. Male? Female?

And then the alarm woke me up.

So...ok...which one of you is it? Because you were really, really funny and I want to go eat pancakes with you right now at IHOP.

Fess up, dude.

21 comments:

Alesa Warcan said...

Awesome dream!
I'm sorry to say, it wasn't me.
No patchouli, no Chucks, and -shucks- I guess that means no pancakes either.

Good luck on your investigation, I hope you get your man/woman/reader. : j

Lisa said...

I have Chucks, but never smell patchouli-ish. I don't think.

But I'll take you IHOP anyway.

Kass said...

I was wearing Organum Majorana and I tackled Anita in the parking lot after and braided her armpit hair into her pubes. I am really funny, though straight, but I had the exact same dream - was wondering who you were.

Julie Curtis said...

Oh ! I so wish it had been me ...

Pancakes with Maria ? Yes please

(The patch thing could have been me about 10 ... ahem 20 years ago ... more white musk these days)

Uh ... and the church thing ?
definitely overrated IMNSHO.

J

Texas2Tennessee said...

Sorry Maria...it wasn't me. Chuck Taylors in Church is a great visual...thanks.

Earth Muffin said...

Could have been me...I'm well known for leaving a scent trail of patchouli in my wake and I have a great pair of purple corduroy sneakers. They are not Chuck Taylors, they are old-school Kangaroos, though they look a bit like Chuck Taylors. I'm a major note passer during boring work meetings and I enjoy a good IHOP meal. The only thing that isn't Earth Muffin-ish about that scenario is that I likely would not have made the sex comment...at least not on paper, where it could easily have been found. I'd have saved that little nugget for later over pancakes.

Terroni said...

Gray Chuck Taylors? If so, it could have been me...until you got to the patchouli-ish scent. And I would have suggested Miss Shirley's for brunch, not IHOP.

LL Cool Joe said...

I think it's pretty safe to say it wasn't me but then you already knew that! :D

Avril Fleur said...

LMAO! I confess! It was me! And church is HIGHLY overrated!

Golden To Silver Val said...

(whispering)....don't say I told ya, but I think it was LL Cool Joe!

JY said...

What a crazy dream!!! But, I'm kinda wanting to go to IHOPs too...so...it was probably me sending you telepathic messages! LOL....

Camlin said...

Were they plaid chucks? If so, it could've been me....

Jason, as himself said...

Maria, Maria, Maria. You know it was TOTALLY me! I could have written this post myself, and this is certainly the kind of stuff I would say during church!

Man, I am so freaking funny--that whole Hey Zeus thing? I crack myself up.

I'll go to church with you ANYTIME.

(The best mass I ever went to was after I drank four Heinekins).

Eric said...

Mmmmmmm...pancakes. Patchouli though? Couldn't have been me, can't stand the smell of that stuff, almost makes me want to turn Republican when I smell it, and I have no idea what Chuck Taylors look like.
I do like to goof off in church, but I only go for funerals and that gets awkward.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I wish it were me because he/she is really funny. Can we go for pancakes if I fake it?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I forgot to mention that Chuck Taylor shared my birthday, but not the year. Does that give me an edge toward that IHOP date?

Raven said...

It's me...but I'm gluten-free.

LL Cool Joe said...

Sssh Golden To Silver Val, it's meant to be a secret!!!

Heather said...

That was fantastic!!

If the Chuck's were purple...it was me. I burn incense in my home, but rarely Patchouli. Hee!

teeveezed said...

No Chucks and no patchouli here brother.

neetzy said...

Patchouli but no chucks! I saw a bumper sticker today that read "Choose Diversity - Marry the opposite sex"! The driver looked as though she never experienced orgasm of any kind!