This is what snowed in looks like

We have been snowed in for two days and all I can say is that I would have been an awful pioneer.

We still have electricity.

The drifts in my driveway are taller than I am. I realize that I am short, but this is not pretty. Don't point out to me how enchanting the swirls of snow are. They are not enchanting. It is not even WINTER yet, I am not going to simper over snow.

We baked cookies yesterday. Try doing this with an arthritis hampered left hand. Yes, eggs will go flying. Milk will be spilled. Butter will not be creamed properly.

I watched Jon and Kate Plus Eight. The whole damn hour. It must be a rerun because Jon and Kate seem to kind of like each other still and the sextups are toddlers. I actually sat and watched six toddlers go to the dentist for their first dental check ups. And was mesmerized. My mind is going.

I then watched a show about brides picking out their bridal gowns. They almost all had a budget of 7,000$. Good lord. How insane is THAT? And somebody needs to tell these women that they look like fat little sausages in a toothpaste tube of a dress. Strapless gowns are only for girls who are 18 and skinny. Otherwise, your arm looks like a ham shank. Your mother won't tell you that but your mother in law might.

But, the weird thing is that yes, I sat docilely and watched these shows.

We went out in a blizzard yesterday to pick up my car from the transmission place. Now it needs to go to our regular mechanic for radiator coolant repairs. His answering machine is on so I am assuming that he is snowbound too. And driving in a blizzard is downright terrifying. My hands were shaking for nearly an hour after we returned home. Bing chuckled at me and I called her a toady ass.

Liv is so far ahead on her homework that I am very proud.

Socks loves the snow. He and Liv go out and dance around in it. Then they both come in smelling like wet dog.

Bing just came in from snowblowing. She only got half of the driveway done before she had to give up and take a break.

I am looking out into the side yard from the office window and it occurs to me that settling down on the prairie was not my smartest move. Who in their right mind would think that this is fun?

And, really....I am one of the lucky ones. I don't work in a hospital anymore, so it is not a big deal if I skip work. Our street is close to a school, so it gets plowed relatively quickly. We have plenty to eat. The power is holding. We have space heaters and electric blankets. There is plenty to watch on television. I can play on the computer.

So why do I feel like a caged tiger? I nearly cried when Bing came in and said she just couldn't do the whole driveway, it was too heavy, too hard. I WANT TO TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT!

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I pop up some popcorn, watch a movie with my family or read a good book? Instead, I look dully out into the street and want to punch mother nature right in the kisser. Global warming, my chapped ass.

And now Bing just turned on her jazz cd. God help me. Jazz doesn't make me smile. It reminds me of snapping rubber bands. It makes my nerves tingle and not in a good way.

But, I will smile and go out and offer to warm up some tomato soup.

I am a good faker.

What I really want? A warm beach. A bikini to wear. A body that could actually wear that bikini and look good. Hair up in a topknot because lordy, it is so HOT today! A big drink with an umbrella in it. Okay fuck the umbrella. Just put lots of grey goose in it and a splash of tonic. Lots of shaved ice.

And sun. Warm sun on my stiff left hand. A thumb that actually works.

No work to catch up on when I finally get back to the office. (And HOW THE HELL did Julie and her mom make it in to the office today? She just called me to say that they were seeing patients and to ask if I thought I would be able to get in tomorrow. I guiltily said sure.)

How about me sitting on that beach with Laura Linney on one side and John Cusack on the other? And they are both vyng for my attention because I am just that interesting and funny and smart.

Okay...time to think happy thoughts that are centered in reality:

Glee is on tonight.

I will watch Ellen this afternoon. I hear it is good and I have never seen it and please God, I don't want to get addicted to re-runs about that creepy Jon Gosselin because that would truly be so sad and pathetic.

There are homemade peanut butter fudge cookies in the cookie jar.

Liv has offered to read to me the book of my choosing. I think I might choose A Christmas Carol because it is dark and it will match my mood.

Maybe I will get ambitious and catch up on all of your wonderful blogs.

I am only a third of the way through my DEXTER book. I can cuddle under a blanket and read.

Maybe Bing will cuddle with me. And Liv. And Socks once he dries out and doesn't stink like a wet dog anymore.

I am a lucky woman.

I am a lucky woman.

I am a lucky woman.

And I don't care, I still want Robert Pattinson, John Cusack, and Laura lusting after me while I sit in a red bikini on a beach where it is so hot that I have to keep popping back my glass of grey goose and tonic.....but considering that I am currently wearing hideous pink sweats without underpants or a bra and I have not put a comb through my hair, well...I can't wow them with my obvious sex appeal. And since I can only converse about Jon and Kate re-runs, my intellect isn't going to zap them either.

Hey, I brushed my teeth. Good enough for today.