Sunday, October 11, 2009

Compromise in marriage.

It is the one thing that is hardest for me. I am basically a selfish woman. I want to have what I want for dinner, see what I want on television and go to the movie that I want to see, as well.

Liv is spending the day at a friend's home. Bing and I decided to see a movie. She brought the paper to me and said that she had picked out two movies that she wanted to see. One was ZOMBIELAND. The other was 9.

I gave her a look, my famous you-have-got-to-be-fucking-kidding look and took the paper from her. I then told her that I had my two picked out:


She rolled her eyes. Said that she taught all day five days a week and didn't think she could stand sitting through some poetic movie about John Keats.

Except that she pronounced Keats as Kates.

I rolled my eyes. I told her that Keats was Keets and Yeats was Yates. And besides, she was a MUSIC teacher, not an English teacher, so what was the big deal about seeing a movie about a famous poet.

She held her ground in true Bing fashion.

"Whatever," she said. "And I know you love Michael Moore but I'm not in the mood to see some political thing today."

She is NEVER in the mood for good movies, in my opinion.

I retorted that I was not in the mood for her movies either.

"But, you LIKE Woody Harrelson," she tried.

"Not that much," I replied.

We went back to the paper. This was going to involve, you guessed it, COMPROMISE.

I fucking HATE compromise.

I sighed.

"How about WHIP IT?" I asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

"How about this one?" she countered, pointing to the movie.

I sighed again. I looked at the movie. It had gotten pretty good reviews.

I sulkily agreed. It is not BRIGHT STAR, but it will do on a cold, raw day in October. A day after a freak snowfall total of nearly 4 inches. In OCTOBER!

"And afterwards, we need to pick up detergent and toilet paper at the store," Bing reminded me. "We forgot to get it yesterday when we went grocery shopping."

"Well, your mother called to say that Walgreens has toilet paper for sale," I said. "She also said that Walgreens had shampoo and Windex on sale...."

Bing gave me a side long glance. "I say, we go to the movie, stop for what we need and come home and maybe take a before Liv gets home."

I gave her my sexiest smile.

"Just think of what a great nap you would get if we went to see BRIGHT STAR," I told her.

No dice.

We are going to see this:

Anyone seen it?

So, what do you compromise about in your marriage? Your job? With your kids?

Do you ever win?

Because I don't think I will EVER get to see BRIGHT STAR. At least not with Bing....


the only daughter said...

Since I mostly go to movies alone these days I rarely have to compromise in that arena anymore. When I was married my was-band wanted to see mostly action movies & westerns. I've seen my share, though rarely in the theatre.

I mused with my daughter the other day even if I could live with a partner (ever again) or wife. hmmmm.

win? that's on the table?

iamheatherjo said...

After reading your blog for a while, it really seems like you and Bing shouldn't go to see movies together. ;)

And, for the record, good reviews. I've heard from so many people that it was hilarious.

I heard that Surrogate wasn't so very good.

Earth Muffin said...

Fortunately, Mr. EM and I are often on the same page about a lot of things in our marriage. We like a lot of the same movies, music and food. Where we compromise is how we like to spend our time away from each other. He likes to take road trips with his buddies to see concerts. I like to spend 6 weeks rehearsing a play at the community theater. I'm cool with that.

At my job, I rarely have to compromise because I'm mostly in charge. I am lucky to be well-respected in my building and my opinions are listened to and often used. I compromise every single day with my students, but almost always in a way that really benefits me but leads them to believe they are getting what they want.

With my boys, it's kind of the same way as with my students. They can have a piece of candy if they eat all their healthy dinner. I buy popsicles and pudding, but it's the healthy, all-natural organic kind...those kinds of compromises. My boys are still young, so I haven't reached the really hard teen-age years compromising yet. And thank goodness for that!

I agree with an earlier commenter...seems to me like you and Bing should quit seeing movies together. Can't Harriet hit the movies with you sometime?

Shan said...

I actually want to see that Bruce Willis movie-mainly because of him of course. I do like some sci-fi though. J and I have a huge genre of movie types of things that we can watch together which is nice. We are both independent and documentary types. Then, he goes to see scary/action/and comic book movies with his buddies and I catch the romantic comedies (anything with Colin Firth) and Twilight types of things with my ladies. It works great for us. Win-Win!

I don't see political statement movies and neither does J. Another win. Bahaha

Am I too happy? I'm a little feverish and achey today if that counts.

How was the movie anyway??

Shawna Martin said...

Compromise is hard, because if you do it right, no one is totally happy and while that may work in political terms, it feels lousy between 2 people.

My wife and I are trying to navigate through a long weekend with her relatives so we are weathering lots of blustery seas, but compromise doesn't feel like it has any part of this particular equation,

BTW, we saw Whip It last weekend and we both loved it. I think it might have pleased both you and Bing, since it's both an quirky coming of age story and an action packed roller derby saga. Lots of strong female characters. Try to catch it next time around.

Leah said...

I only ever go to the movies alone. That's the only way I like to see 'em--I can see what I want, sit where I want, have the reaction I want, and eat my hoagie in peace.

Compromise...hmmm...I would have to say Sarge does most of the major compromising, although I try to pretend it's me. We both know better.

I do make capellini for Sarge, although I only like spaghetti. Does that count?

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MmeBenaut said...

We simply never go to the movies together. I go with my girlfriends instead!

As for compromise - EVERYTHING is a compromise. I've come to realise that we have very little in common at all which is a bit late in the marriage process. LOL

tracer123 said...

Ah, compromise, I know it well.

Karen said...

Some movies you go to with your spouse. Some with your girlfriends. Some with your kids. Maybe even some alone. That is compromise in my opinion.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've been with my partner for 23 years now. God help us. That's like a life sentence really. Ok I'm joking.

I don't think either of us compromise. We do our own thing.

jelly said...

Compromise was (and is) at times very hard for me.
I like things my way, and can be very, very stubborn.
I am learning (slowly) to let her take the reigns at times and make decisions on activities we are planning.
It's hard and it is constantly a work in progress.
Good luck Maria!!

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Shazza said...

Margie loves horror, I love chick flicks, we both love mysteries and action, I like sci-fi and we meet in the middle with supernatural.

Zombieland was actually hysterical. What I call a good popcorn movie. "mindless" entertainment - literally!

Whip it was fun - bring on the ol Roller Derby days.

Saw V comes out on Halloween...she's going it freaking way

Music - she likes heavy metal, I like everything but heavy metal and rap.

Usually I will wait to see a movie I like on DVD when it comes out, she does the same.

Compromise does suck occasionally - but you're not the only one compromising! :)


lynt said...

I think relationships of any kind are all about compromise = work, friends, family, significant others. It's really hard for me and I link that fact directly to being an only child. Do I ever win, yes. But then there's the temptation to whine. Again the only child... but I try.

Miss Healthypants said...

Ah, yes, our marriage definitely includes compromising--mostly over entertainment (like your movie scenario) and over food choices.

Like tonight--I just wanted to surf blogs and do yoga, but Iwanski wanted to watch a movie with me. I compromised and watched the movie (good movie!) and am now surfing blogs afterwards. :) As for the yoga? I may just give up on that tonight. We'll see...

And I really want to see that Michael Moore movie...I love him! :)

Gypsy said...

I very rarely have to compromise because for all intents and purposes I am a single woman these days. When the Mister is home though we don't even watch many tv shows together never mind movies.

If I were you and Bing I'd just accept that you are never going to like the same movies. You could both go to the theatre and each see the movie of your choice and then meet up for dinner afterwards. That way you both see what you want to see. You can't talk during the movie anyway so I've never understood why people don't just go alone if necessary.

Jill said...

My husband and I basically don't see movies together any more because we can never agree on one. I'm horrible at compromises in all forms, but I think my husband is worse. It ain't pretty...

mccutcheon said...

what iamheatherjo said! judging from the amount of movie-unhappiness on your blog you guys should probably _really_ go see different movies. which shouldn't be an issue, you could make a point of doing something really nice together afterwards - no, I did not mean sex, no worries ;) - like going for a nice dinner or something, and it's probably even nice to tell each other about "your" movies and all.

muralimanohar said...

I flat out refuse to see a movie with someone who will not enjoy it as much as I will. It kills my fun, and who the hell wants to sit next to a grumpy, miserable person for two hours on purpose?? Blah.

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