The bad day by Socks

It started out okay, this day.

I always wake up first in this house. I wander around in the early morning hours, waiting for the Omega woman to wake up. She gets up early to take our morning run. I love this part of the day. The world is just waking up and everything is all misty and dewy. The grass is wet and smells all spicy and pungent. I wait by the back door while Omega does her leg stretches. I lift my nose to take nice long smells. Hmmm. Cat. I become instantly alert. I smell that cat. The one who sits in the back yard, switching her tail and teasing me.

Before I can check it out, Omega woman says "Ready, boy?" and we are off. We start out slowly, just walking quickly and then we can't stand it anymore and we both take off running. I feel the wind making my ears flop back and I like it. Omega woman is smiling when she runs. I think she likes the way the air makes her ears feel too. We run and run until we get to the park with the pond with the frogs and then we stop to rest on a big rock. Sometimes frogs jump into the pond and I go crazy for a second and try to jump in after them but Omega won't let the leash go so I end up yanking my neck a bit and I don't really like that.

"You stop that now, Socks," she says. I sit next to her while she puts her fingers on her wrist and looks at her watch. If another frog jumps, I can't help it, the craziness comes over me again and I try to run, but Omega tugs on the leash and tells me to quit it so I do. Sometimes a squirrel sees this and comes halfway down the tree to taunt me.

"What's the matta, ugly mutt?" the squirrel says, smiling wickedly at me. "What is that thing around your neck? OOOHHH. A collar and a leash"! And then that pesky squirrel tsk tsks me and climbs up to a branch where I can see him laughing at me. If there is more than one squirrel, they point at me and laugh. They know I can't get them. But, they aren't stupid, squirrels aren't. They know that if I wasn't on the leash, their days would be numbered.

That's why they laugh. Because they can.

Omega gets up then and we take off running again. This time we have to run up the hill and it is harder for her than for me because she slows down when I really, really want to run. I try to encourage her by pulling on the leash, but she gets annoyed when I do that.

When we get home, we are both pooped. She pours some nice cold water into my dish and I lap it up. I am a sloppy lapper, I know this. I end up with water on my face and I am old enough not to go jump into bed with Alpha woman because she will say, "EWWW. Socks GET DOWN! YOUR FACE IS ALL WET!" So, I go in and put my paws up on the kid's bed and she smiles and pets me, tells me that I have a funny beard.

I hear the shower start and I am careful not to go near it. Once in a while, Omega decides that I should get in the shower with her so that she can give me a rinse. It is not fun. I don't like water drops hitting me all over. So, I go and sit under the dining room table until the water shuts off. Better safe than sorry.

By that time, Alpha woman is up and I pretty much leave her alone. She is not a morning person. But, if I wait until the good smell of the brown liquid fills the room and until she has had a few drinks of the stuff, then she is friendlier. Today, she says, "Socks, would you like to go for a car ride today?"

Well, I don't know.

Car rides are dicey. Sometimes they are fun. Like that one time when went to the park to have a picnic and I got to be on a very long leash. Other times it is not fun. It is not fun to go to the place where they wear white jackets. You know it is a bad place because when you walk into the room, there are lots of other dogs and sometimes a cat or even a rabbit there and everyone is very sad or very nervous or both. Once in awhile, there is some pup who is all bouncy and happy, jumping around licking everyone, but once he gets taken in the back, well, his good mood is gone licketty split.

Sometimes, Alpha woman takes me to the man with the hose to get my hair cut. I do not like the hose. Water comes out of it and I am put on a short leash in a big white sink while I get sudsied up with this junk that smells like lilacs. After I am rinsed off, I want to shake, shake, shake, so I do, do, do. And then another hose blows hot fast air over me. I don't like that either but some dogs do. Some dogs sit there and look all dreamy, like they are thinking about sunny fields full of rabbits, but not me. I try to get away. Once I jumped out the the sink and nearly hung myself by the leash.

So, car rides? I have mixed feelings on the subject.

Today, Alpha makes eggs and long meat strips for breakfast. Alpha and the kid sit quietly at the table and eat their food. We are tricky. Omega woman does not like it when I am fed people food, so we all sit quietlike until Omega woman gets up to get the paper or goes down the basement to start the laundry and then bing, bang, boom, either Alpha woman or the kid slips me a long meat strip. When Omega is away, though, I get people food put right in my bowl for me to enjoy in a leisurely way, I don't have to gulp it down and hope that Omega doesn't lean down to pet me and smell the evidence on my breath.

After breakfast, Alpha woman and the kid come into the kitchen with big fakey smiles on their faces. Time to go for a ride in the car, Socks! they say. I am nervous, but I can't help it, I wag my tail. I just like car rides and maybe this one will be fun.

It isn't. As soon as we pull into the parking lot, I recognize that this is the white coat place. I whimper and try to hide under the cloth shopping bags that smell really good. It is no use, Alpha snaps on my leash and tugs me out of the car. The kid scoops me up and I play possum until we get to the door and then I claw her just enough that she drops me and I make a run for it. I think that I might actually make it until I suddenly I am yanked back and I realize that Alpha woman is standing on my leash. Rats.

We go inside. Two other dogs are there and we don't even smell each other, we are that depressed. One dog keeps lifting up his leg and itching himself and Alpha woman makes sure that we don't sit anywhere near him. The other dog is a sad eyed poodle who is so old that she doesn't even try to run when they come to take her back. She just sighs and lets her person carry her.

When it is my turn, I try to be brave. I am not speaking to Alpha or the kid. I put my nose in the air and ignore them and instead, I let the girl who smells like graham crackers take my leash and we all go into a room to wait. The kid tries to suck up to me, keeps petting me and telling me that it will be okay. I don't look at her.

When the door opens and the white coat man comes in, I can't help it, I pee all over the floor.

"OOPSIE DAISY," the white coat man says and he calls in the girl to clean up the pee. He lifts me up on the counter and Alpha woman holds tightly to my leash while he tortures me by looking in my ears and forcing me to open my mouth. I don't like this and I growl at him and wish to bite him just a little bit, but this man is smart and is holding my mouth in such a way that well, forget that bright idea.

And then, the girl comes back and another girl and they hold me down while he puts something wet and cold in my ear. It stings and I do not like this. DO NOT MAKE ME BITE YOU! I say in my best growl to the girls, but one of them has my nose clamped shut.

And then before I know how to react, the white coat man sticks a needle in my leg. It stings and I whimper and I look over and there is the kid crying in the corner, with her fingers in her ears. Good, I think. I hope you're happy. I am being hurt and you are the one crying.

After it is over, I do not let Alpha and the kid make up to me as we walk out to the car. I keep my back straight and my tail down. I don't give them the time of day. The kid sits in the back seat with me and makes me sit next to her.

"I'm sorrrrryyyy, Soxie," she says, "But, we had to get that gunk out of your ears and you needed the shot so you don't get worms and die."

Bullshit. I think. Just bullshitty shit. I let her scratch me behind the ears but I will not smile at her, I think.

I change my mind when Alpha woman lets me have a slim jim. I love slim jims.

The rest of the day is blurry because the stuff in my ears is making me sleepy. I lay on the rug in front of the window that overlooks the back yard. The kid lays with me for awhile, petting me and sucking up to me. We both fall asleep and then I wake up and I am alone. I look outside the window and I see it.

That cat.

She is sitting next to the bird bath and is cleaning her coat, pretending not to notice me watching her. At last, she lazily looks up at me and blinks. She is goading me, I know this. She carefully licks at her paw, watching me out of the corner of her eye, her tail switching back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

She looks mouthwatering. I want to chase her all around the back yard and pounce on her and take a little nip of her twitchy tail.

The crazy comes over me and without thinking carefully, I jump up and leap right up against the window.

BAM! My nose smashes hard against the glass and I do a very stupid looking back flip and land on my back. I jump up as fast as lightning, but it is too late. I hear laughter and there are Omega and Alpha woman standing there laughing at me. The cat is staring at me with incredulity on her face and then she nonchalantly goes back to cleaning her paw. But, she is laughing silently, I can tell. I hear chittering and look to see the squirrels looking down at me from their tree branch. They are laughing so hard that their bushy tails are bouncing.

I get up and with all the dignity I can muster, I go sit under the dining room table. I will not mention this again.

I am quiet for the rest of the day until it is dinner time and Omega woman takes me outside with her while she fires up the grill. She is making sausages and they look so good but I know that I will probably not get one taste. So, I run around the yard and go and smell where the cat was sitting. It still smells like cat and I look around to make sure that she isn't around. Because if she is, her ass is grass.

Instead, I see one of the squirrels balancing on the chain link fence. He is wondering if he can make it to the tree without me catching him. I stand in his path.

Go for it, pee butt. Make my day.

He does and I almost catch him, but don't. He is too scared to laugh when he finally gets up the tree and I stand and bark at him long and hard.

YEAH. You better run, you little varmint....

This makes me feel a little better, so I go up to Omega and stand by her leg until she reaches down to pet me.

And sneaks me a bite of sausage!!!

Well, boy howdy. Miracles happen.

After dinner, Alpha woman and I head out for our walk, but she is no fun tonight. She is tired and we only go around the block. Not a real walk. Just enough for me to smell some flowers.

When it gets dark, all my people go outside to sit in lawn chairs. I go too. I am sitting quietly in the yard when suddenly there is a big BOOM!!! BOOM!! . I am so scared that my tail goes between my legs as I run to Alpha woman's chair and dive under it. The booming doesn't stop and the sky lights up with huge sparks of light.

Oh lordy, it is the end of my sweet dog life, I think. I am whimpering and shaking and can't relax even when the kid shimmies under the chair to lay with me. Finally, I hear Alpha tell her to take me inside and I am at the door before she can say, "Run, Forrest, Run!"

The kid opens the door and I run upstairs and go to my safe place: under Alpha woman's bed. I will stay there until everyone comes up for bed and then I will only let myself be coaxed by the kid when she comes up and offers me a doggie biscuit and doesn't let me have it until we are both in her bed. She holds me close, tells me that it is just something called fireworks.

I don't care what it was, I am just glad it is done. Because today was not a good day in my sweet dog life.

I shut my eyes and let out a long sigh, glad to let go of this day.

But, hey...Omega gave me a sausage! And maybe tomorrow she will give me a slim jim....