The phone rings. I am right in the middle of making final notations on a chart and think I will ignore it, but at the last moment pick it up.
Bing: Hi, you. Thought I would see how your day is goin'.
Me: It's goin'. Remind me to tell you the funny story about Dodie, the audiologist when I get home. Too long for a phone conversation.
B: Okayyyy. Hey, I have a chance to earn some extra money if I take tickets at the basketball game tonight. You and Liv want to come?
Me: Sure. Buy us a hot dog?
B: (sighing) EWW. How can you guys eat that trash? But, okay. I'm easy.
Me: Tell me about it...
A short pause.
That would be me, folks. I also answer to Sweet Ass Gal, Pretty woman, Bitsy (don't ask), Dear, and Miss Priss.
B: Maybe we can make some time for us this weekend?
For all you dumb-as-doorknobs out there, this means she wants to have sex this weekend. I know this because it has been awhile and she can't go as long without it as I can. The truth is that I have a sort of sluggish libido. Don't tell me it is my age. I have been like this since I was 16. Even when I was supposed to be all randy and ripe for the picking, I always had to be coaxed. The truth is that I once went without sex for nearly two years and I was just fine. I am not kidding. Sex isn't a big deal for me. For Bing, well...like most normal people, she sort of likes to have carnal knowledge with me from time to time. And when it has been a while, well...I pretty much just have to take my socks off and she is ready to go.
Me: Okey dokey. Putting it in my black book, sweetie. Suck face with wife this weekend.
B: (lowering her voice) Well, it doesn't have to be my....face.
That makes me laugh. So we have a moment. One of those softly laughing coupley moments.
Me: Okay. Yes. Liv is invited to that birthday party on Sunday evening. Want to have a date?
B: Yessss. How about I make us a nice dinner and I'll play that song you love so much on the piano....
She means this one. And yes, she can really play the whole thing on the piano without breaking a sweat, because she is that fucking musical. I love to sit next to her when she plays, mostly because I lose her to the music and I love watching her face. And she does always come back to me. And then smiles. Which, I believe, she is well aware sort of gets me...right there. So, let's call it very successful foreplay.
Me: Oh, yes. That would be nice. But...let's get takeout chinese, okay? So..no dishes to do?
This is Maria speak for
Let's get down and dirty and not worry about the dog sitting on the kitchen table and licking the butter dish.
B: Yes. Good idea. Because, it has been a long time, Maria.
Me: Oh, pish tosh.
B: Try 15 days. But, um...who's counting?
That would be Bing. She also answers to sweetie, sugarfoot, lovey and Clementine (don't ask.)
Me: I'm sorry. I didn't realize it had been so long.
B: You never do. Good god, woman...if I didn't know better, I'd think you had some little hussy on the side.
Me: Now, THAT'S funny. Hey, remind me to tell you about my lunch conversation with the bag lady on Ames street. I love her.
B: (I can feel her smiling) Okay. Hey, I better go. Some slug-a-longs are refusing to leave the building and I think I will go have to kick some ass out the door. Why they want to hang around here is beyond me....
Me: Bye you.
B: Bye, you.
No, we hardly ever say I love you on the phone. No idea why. We just don't.
Me: WAIT! BING?
Me: We need milk for Liv's breakfast tomorrow. Don't let me forget.
B: Gotcha. See you soon, June.
And that is what couples talk about at three in the afternoon on Friday.
Of course, after that, I had Bella's Lullaby in my head and I kept picturing her head bent down, playing the piano...
But, foreplay is good.
And so is delayed gratification.