This one is from Vanity Fair. Yes, I read this magazine. Not every month, but occasionally. I get a few in the mail: The Onion, Bitch, The Advocate and (thanks to my sister for this um...awesome Christmas gift), People Magazine.
What is sort of scary is that I am starting to really enjoy People magazine. I mean, like when I see it in the mail, I smile this icky grin. Pathetic really. Kind of a spooky thing to discover about yourself when you are fifty...that you can actually get into People magazine.
But here is the meme from Vanity Fair. Feel free to nab it, Dive. Because you know you want to.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Okay. This will sound mercenary, because, well...it is mercenary. My idea of perfect happiness would be to have enough money to feel confidant that Liv will be able to go to the college of her choice and on to even higher education after that, that Bing and I could quit our jobs and just travel all over (on Liv's holidays, of course) and sleep in every fracking day. I really think that money could buy me a helluva lot of happiness. And, hey. I would share. Truly.
2. What is your greatest fear?
Easy. Losing Liv. Or having someone kidnap her. Or having her get cancer or some other life threatening illness. All of my biggest fears are parental ones, the fear of something bad happening to my child.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
The fact that I hold grudges. I do not forgive and forget anyone or anything graciously. When I am mad, I stay mad for a long, long time and if you want my forgiveness, you better be willing to hit those knees and grovel. And the really sad thing is that I will watch myself do this and KNOW it is wrong, but I can't seem to stop it.
4. What is the trait that you most deplore in others?
Lying. I have little respect for liars.
5. What living person do you most admire?
Probably Bing. I just like the way she lives. She is honest (sometimes to a fault) and genuine. She says what she thinks and doesn't bullshit. She puts up with me and that is saying a great deal. She is laid back and her blood pressure tends to be on the low side rather than the high. She doesn't get freaked out easily, is calm and has something that I covet: a quiet mind. This doesn't mean that she is slow witted or a quiet person, it means that she is not inclined to get jumpy or upset very easily. She sort of drawls when she speaks, is very Southern in her way of looking at life.
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Designer dresses and shoes. I love my Chanel suits and my Ferragamo shoes.
7. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
8. On what occasion do you lie?
When I am afraid that I will hurt someone if I don't.
9. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My skin. I don't tan. I am lily white. When I was younger, I had a real milkmaid look to me, all peaches and cream. Now that I am older, I just look ghostly and ill.
10. What living person do you most despise?
My blog stalker. She is just a pee butt. Plain and simple. I sometimes think that I should feel sorry for her, but I can't. She is a hypocrite, a creepster, the most unattractive person I have ever been unlucky enough to have run into. I despise her more than George Bush. I could at least find a dinner with him to be marginally interesting. I don't think I could swallow food around her. She nauseates me.
11. What words or phrases do you most overuse?
I say the word fuck too much. So much that I have slipped and said it in front of Liv a few times and that is just wrong. I tend to use the phrase, Could you just give me some space?" too often too. I need to stop needing to be such a hermit.
12. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Liv. No contest. No one gets to me like she can. Bing is next in line, but Liv comes first in everything in every way.
13. When and where were you happiest?
When Liv was a baby. I was absolutely floored by how well I took to motherhood. I hoped that I would enjoy it, be good at it. I had no idea that I would take it to it as easily and completely as I did. I am very happy now, but I still remember how joyous a feeling it was to find something that I loved so much and was actually good at.
14. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish that I wasn't so stingy with showing my emotions. It is painfully difficult for me to open up around people (with the exception of my child) and show my feelings. Bing told me once that she was astonished when I told her how much I loved her. "You really didn't act all that caught up in me," she said. "I thought you could take me or leave me. I still feel like that sometimes."
This bothers me that I am so...aloof. Because my love for her is this deep, sweet thing. How can she not see it pouring out of me? Because it is there. I just...don't show it very well.
15. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Most parents will say this: my child.
16. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
God, I think these questions are stupid. I would not mind coming back as a beautiful, rich woman with lots of servants. I suspect that my just desserts would be coming back as someone's pet.
17. Where would you like to live?
Hmm. I would not mind living in Chicago. New York. In a cottage by the sea in Maine. Or in Tuscany. Ireland. But, I am also okay just where I am.
18. What is your most treasured possession?
My first edition collection of books.
19. What is your favorite occupation?
20. What is your most marked characteristic?
I was once told by someone that I had the glamor. I thought that they were telling me that I was glamorous. When they elaborated, they told me that they meant that I had the gift of being very charming and pulling people towards me.
I was once told by someone else that I was the most aloof person that they had ever met.
So, there you have it. I am charming and aloof.
21. What do you most value in your friends?
22. Who are your favorite writers?
David Sedaris. Elizabeth Berg. Elizabeth Gilbert. Anne Tyler. Jill McCorkle. Susan Allen Toth. Stephen King. Alice Hoffman. Kaye Gibbons. Barbara Kingsolver.
23. Who is your favorite hero or heroine of fiction?
24. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
25. What is it that you most dislike?
Getting up in the morning at the butt crack of dawn for work. When that alarm goes off at 5 a.m.? I just want to slam it into the wall. I am most grateful that Liv is now old enough to get up by herself on the weekends and lets Bing and me sleep in. She gets up at 8, lets the dog out, makes a bowl of cereal, and watches television or reads until we get up. This is like heaven to me.
25. What is your greatest regret?
That I didn't follow my heart and become a high school English teacher. Because while I am good at what I do now and love it and it pays much more than a teacher earns, I honestly believe that my heart wanted to be a teacher.
26. How would you like to die?
In my sleep, in Bing's arms. But, really...how many people do you think will say that they want to die in one to one combat with a murderer or by drowning? We all want to take the easy way out.
27. What is your motto?
Say it, don't spray it.
And there you go, people. Take it if you wish. Or not.
Have a good week y'all. Night...