It was a regular day at the office. Our department head, Rossi, sat in his office pretending to be busy. Elly, our office manager, fluttered around gathering our mother's maiden names for some internal paperwork. We chart analysts, all four of us, sat hunched over our desks, eyes roaming over charts or fingers busy typing comments on to our computer keyboards.
The two department secretaries, Felicity and Sandra typed rapidly while they made a soundtrack of their own with Felicity humming and Sandra snorting snot noisily up into her swollen nasal cavities.
And then we all cocked our heads as we heard our intercom crackle on. A disembodied female voice informed us that "Brats are being served on the west side of the building on the human resources pavilion in honor of employee appreciation day. So..come on down and enjoy a brat for lunch!"
Well, that made us smile. Brats for lunch! We all agreed that a brat sounded kind of good today. We speculated as to whether those brats would be good, juicy, real brats or the prissy fake turkey brat wanna bes. Before we could debate further, the intercom crackled again and the same woman's voice rang out sounding properly sheepish:
"I apologize for the previous announcement concerning brats. Apparently, the brats are for the human resources department only. Other departments will have their employee appreciation day in October." The intercom clicked off.
Well, you can imagine our shock and disappointment. What did she mean by teasing us about something like brats?! How mean spirited. Our mouths had begun watering for some tasty brats, for the love of pete!
At first, no one said anything. Then Felicity ventured forth with, "I sure would have loved a brat for lunch."
Rossi came out of his office and shrugged. "Brats are bad for you. I'm glad not to be tempted."
Maria O (not to be confused with me, Maria M...) and Nita heartily agreed. Besides, they had both planned to have the cafeteria special: chicken noodle soup. Much healthier, they said in their superior voices.
The rest of us glowered. Pouted. A plot began to hatch. We all talked it over in hushed tones. Out of all of us, Sandra, Felicity, Elly, Kate, and I all wanted brats.
But, Elly and I were both in scrubs and no human resource grunts wore scrubs to work. We'd stick out like sore thumbs, recognized for our brat bandit intentions. Sandra, Felicity, and Kate agreed to be our brat snitchers. They all agreed to grab two brats apiece, feigning a hearty appetite today. Elly and I would loiter innocently in the hall with Elly's oversized purse ready to hold the swiped brats.
We all rode up nervously in the elevator together to Human Resources on the ninth floor. Good. The halls were thick with brat lovers. This would be an easy mission.
Kate, Felicity, and Sandra bravely strolled into enemy lines. Elly and I casually sauntered around by the drinking fountain, trying our best to look casual.
It didn't take long. Kate, Felicity, and Sandra returned in quick time, each carrying two juicy brats in their hot little burglar hands. Felicity had somehow managed to pilfer a large container of onion rings as well. What a booty!
We all innocently stepped into our awaiting elevator and then all hell broke loose as the women speedily slid their stolen brats into Elly's open bag.
We stopped the elevator on the eleventh floor, at the atrium and jumped out, our mouths aching by now for our hard won brats.
We all settled into chairs and sunk our teeth greedily into the soft doughy rolls with the spurting brats nestled in them.
We all agreed that sinning like this was so, so worth it. Such tasty brats! And we snickered a bit, joking that those human resources morons were so dumb that they didn't even know that they had been infiltrated. Dumb asses! Just wait until October, when it was our turn for employee appreciation brats. We'd know to guard ours well...
"AHA!" said a low voice.
We turned to see Christabelle standing in the doorway, arms akimbo.
"I knew I smelled brats.." she said, smiling wickedly.
We hastily offered her the one extra brat, buying her silence. It worked. She sat down with us, biting lovingly into her brat roll and snagging several onion rings too.
We all agreed that it was a delicious lunch.
Elly handed out mints at the doorway to our office. No sense in having brat breath. We all sucked down the peppermints and went back to work, our stomachs full of the juicy brats.
It was a good day at the office....