Monday, June 30, 2008

I can still feel you

Tonight as we talked on the phone, I was sitting outside on the balcony. It was hot. You asked me if I missed you. I said, somewhat flippantly, I admit it, "Well...yeah. Of course, I do."

I was lying.

I don't just miss you, Bing. I miss you. I miss you in my stomach and my arms and my eyes. My lips.

I started thinking of our song. That one. The first one we danced to. It was on the balcony that I was sitting on. The weather was hot then too. We had the radio on. We were having a night cap after a dinner out. Not a date, really. I wouldn't allow dates. You knew that.

But, I remember that song coming on and you smiling and getting all soft in your eyes.

I love this said.

I said that I did too. You held your arms out to me and I went into them, okay..I sort of kind of reluctantly went into them.

Because it wasn't a date. I had told you that from the get go.

And we danced. And swayed together and kissed. And every time that soft sweet guitar lick flailed through that song, I went all shivery.

Who would have guessed that all my best love scenes, the ones that, in the end, mattered the most, would be played out with you?

Certainly not me.

Because, was not a date. I had specified that.

Years later, we would be sitting at a friend's house and you and some others would be fooling around on your guitars and you would look directly at me and play that beginning guitar slide of that song and my stomach would flip over like I was fifteen.

Our eyes would lock through the whole song and you would get very, very lucky when we got home from that party. A couple by that time.

I could only drag my feet for so long. And you knew all along.

So, my cajun love, my Beb, I must admit that I am de'pouille without you. I am remembering that un p'tit bec that started the whole love story in motion.

I am missing you more than I can say.

And I am sending you this song to let you know that I might sound all calm and aloof, but inside, I am feeling your arms around me and your mouth on mine on this balcony on that hot summer night when it all began.


BBC said...

I really don't think that you should get that hung up on someone. I don't know you and I don't know Bing but I do know one thing.

It's wonderful to support each other, but in the end it may just come down to you so you should prepare for that.

And maybe you should assume that Bing is enjoying a little time away from you? That isn't a bad thing you know. Well, for her. But if it is a bad thing for you who else is it a bad thing for?

Just wondering. Thanks for the birthday wish.

dive said...

I can never hear that song without thinking of you and Bing and sighing, Maria.
And it pops up on my iPod an awful lot.

Fusion said...

I want a love like your's and Bing's Maria.
Miss you down to your core love...
A forever love.
Nice Post.

MmeBenaut said...

Beginnings are beautiful. They're even more beautiful when they last and they can make your stomach flip over like you're fifteen. She'll be home soon Maria xx

Reluctant Blogger said...

Oh wow, you write so powerfully, I can feel the way that you feel.

I feel like that now when Geraldine is away. I guess that means it's love then, does it? I am sort of in denial. But yeah, that's exactly it - I feel her when she is not here and it's hard to concentrate or just be.

Yikes, I do not especially want to be in love like that again just yet. But I suppose timing is not always convenient.

I hope you get your Bing back soon.

SassyFemme said...

I love reading about your love for each other. Very sweet.

Angelissima said...

Next Tuesday Bernie leaves for his summer odyssey out west. We'll be alone (if you can call it alone in a house with 4 kids) or lets say, we will be left to our own devices without the "pack leader" for most of the summer.

ugh! prayers welcome!

moonrat said...

this is why i love coming to your blog, maria. thank you for reminding me it's possible to miss someone like that.

Anonymous said...

Aw, hon. Aim those arrows right to my heart.

And tell Dive that I don't play the oboe. Its the french horn. Not even close, but that's ok.

Miss you.

<3 Bing

CDJ said...

That is a great song! Janet Jackson sampled it for this song:

and it's just got such a great groove.

Hope Bing comes home to you soon!

OC said...


May you and Bing always have this love in your life. You are a true inspiration for me. The way you live your life, the way you love, it's all good.

Lynn said...

What a wonderful thing it must be to miss someone like you miss Bing and know she'll be coming home to you soon.
....All your love scenes that matter the most...
I love that.

Terroni said...

"Who would have guessed that all my best love scenes, the ones that, in the end, mattered the most, would be played out with you."

When you say things like that, M, it gives me amazing hope that my best love scenes are still out there, waiting.

greymatters said...

OK,Maria -- since I got busted on the sap factor, it's YOUR turn.


Val said...


Diana said...

ah, love. *sigh*

BBC said...

Sounds like you had some shenanigans on your birthday....

Really? I thought it was pretty laid back compared to my youth.

Well, you are younger than me, you will understand better when you get older. Or not.

Stacy said...

Lovely.....but I kind of feel like a peeping tom.

zirelda said...

How absolutely sweet. You guys are so lucky to have each other.

Hahn at Home said...

Hey - I think you're getting to be an old softie. Better watch that, you have a rep to uphold!

Great song.

the only daughter said...

Hugs to you both.

Trop said...

That's so sweet. Enjoy her homecoming!