Bing and I went to the movies today. We saw The Savages. It was fantastic if you want to see a really dark, funny, perfect little movie. I will pretty much see anything with Laura Linney in it. She is like my dream date. We all have one. She's mine.
But, our rule in the car is that the one driving gets to pick the radio station. Bing was driving and she is on this country western kick lately. She gets on music kicks. I liked her soul music kick the best so far. But, today the song Letter To Me by Brad Paisley came on. I was intrigued. It was a song about his grown up self writing a letter to his self at 17. I decided that I would blog a letter to myself. So, here goes.
Dear Maria, aged 17:
First, just breathe. You will pass that stupid math test. The one that Mom had to hire a tutor for you about. You will pass with flying colors. I promise.
You are so much prettier than you realize. You are not fat. Nope. You are just right. But, hey....your penchant for long swirly skirts will be with you forever. It isn't just a phase. And in about fifteen years, you will be diagnosed with Meniere's Syndrome and this will cause balance problems. You won't be able to wear high heels anymore, so wear the hell out of them while you can. Yes, you can pull them off. Your legs are probably your best feature.
Wear sunscreen. I know you like to look tan, but your skin is so white that too much sun exposure is really bad for you. The ozone layer will become this big freakin' issue in about ten more years and you will be glad that you didn't let yourself fry so much.
Yes, you are a lesbian. You're pretty sure you are but are really, really hoping that some boy will knock you for a loop. It won't happen. Lots of girls will knock you for a loop, though. You might want to re-think the coming out thing at Thanksgiving dinner when you are 24. Mom will disown you for it and write you out of her will. She will die when you are 35; if you wait, you will get about 200,000$ bucks and that will take care of all your student loans and then some. So...just a thought. Maybe the don't ask-don't tell thing will serve you well for awhile.
There are a few things to think about. What do you REALLY want to be when you grow up? Because ponder this: you love English Lit and when you are older you will regret that you didn't become a high school English teacher. The pay sucks, but you will love your job. It will beat sitting around dealing with other people's personality disorders.
There will be this woman. You will meet her at a friend's party when you are almost 24. You will be so drawn to her that it will scare the hell out of you. The sex will be great, but let me tell you right now that this woman is not for you. Wasting seven years of your life with this woman will cause you to shy away from love for a long, long time. Yep, she will burn you but good. You will go from being this person who is open to love to a person who avoids it like the plague. All because of this sexual attraction to a woman who is so wrong for you in just about every way imaginable.
There is another woman. You will meet her your freshman year in college. She will be your college dorm mate. You won't be attracted to her that way. But, give her a chance. You are FAR too attracted to good looking women instead of good women. This woman is a good woman and since you will eventually end up with her when you are in your forties, maybe you should consider letting her in sooner rather than later. She will be worth it. She's not gorgeous and you are way too interested in hot looks. Get over that shit. She's a music major and when you hear her play the piano or the guitar, you will feel a little sumpin sumpin, if you simply allow yourself to do that. She has a heart of gold, a heavy brain and a protective nature. Her name is Bing and she will be the one person in the world who truly gets you.
You won't be ready to be a parent until you are 40. Raising a child is so much harder than it looks. And you simply will not be equipped with the right stuff to pull it off until you are 40. That's okay. Don't worry about the issue of having old eggs. It won't matter.
No, you are not adopted. It just feels like you are. Don't spend so much time feeling like a square peg in a round hole. Embrace that square pegness. You will find lots of friends who will become your real family. Let it go. You will never be able to please your mother no matter how hard you try. The less you let this hurt you, the better.
Your college study partner will be a man named Frederick. Stay in touch with him after college or one day in your late 40's you will regret that you didn't.
Quit smoking now. It's a nasty habit and since you will quit when you are 24 anyway, better to do it sooner rather than later.
You are fine as is. You are smarter than you think, but not nearly as wise as you think.
Dance more. Study harder. Go on that backpacking trip to Europe; you will always regret not going if you don't.
Don't dye your hair red when you are 35. It will look really, really awful.
You are a person of great value. Never stop believing that.
Love,
Maria, aged 49.
So, my question for you readers is this: If you could write a letter to your 17 year old self, what would it say?
Saturday, January 19, 2008
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28 comments:
This is a beautifully written post. I've been reading for you a little while now and I always enjoy your posts, but this one is by far my favorite.
If I wrote to myself at 17, I'd let myself know that the world is much bigger and more interesting than the 1 horse town she's currently residing in and that college will broaden her mind in more ways outside of the fancy book-learnin' than she could ever imagine. I'd tell her that Eddie Van Halen is NOT the greatest guitar player ever, Jimi Hendrix is. I'd tell her that Julia Roberts is over-rated and to be on the look-out for a phenomenal actress named Cate Blanchett. I'd tell her to keep reading everything she can get her hands on...people in Small Town, USA, may think it's geeky, but hot, smart guys in college will think it's cool. I'd tell her not to freak out about not finding true love while in college, she'll do so much better just finding herself. True love wanders into her life quite by accident when she's 24 (what a defining age, huh?) and she'll know him the minute she sees him. I'll tell her that her kids are going to bless her life more than she could have thought possible and to savor every second of their infancy she can because it flies by way too fast. I'd tell her that her best friend is going through a weird, somewhat self-destructive phase right now but it will be ok and they will continue to be best friends for the rest of their lives, eventually living in the same town and having babies around the same time. Last of all, I'd also tell her she's not adopted and just because her parents are starting the question the adult she's aspiring to be, they will come to understand and respect the adult that she becomes.
Thanks for inspiring me to think about this stuff!
most of the things you've said here, in some form or another.
but... i suspect my mother said those things to me, and i suspect i didn't listen to HER, either.
maybe if YOU could write a little letter to my past...
Letter to Self,
You'll get over it. Your heart was not made to be broken, although it will break again, and again, and again, even when you least expect it. He will marry that damn cheerleader. They will be happy, and he will die an unexpected early death. Be happy for him and thankful that you did not become a widow at 24.
Let yourself love her when you are 21. It's ok.
Enjoy sex. Don't be afraid.
Your mother will die when you are 39 and she will kind of understand you by that time. But don't expect too much.
Don't bother trying to find religion again in college, because you will only find hypocrisy (again!).
Go into debt for that private school-it's worth it.
Dear Dive,
KILL THEM ALL!!!!
what a brilliant idea...and a response to long to put in the comments..but i bet ONE thing would be... learn an Asian foreign language...and NOT Spanish...you're going to need it!
Great post Maria. I would tell myself to not listen to my mother when she tells me I can't make a living off of art, because in my 40's I will find out that she thinks the art world is what screwed up my brother. I would also tell myself to not be so damned compliant because it isn't going to get me anywhere but it will hold me back and I'll never really recover.
Lots to think about here. Thank you.
Hindsight is just beautiful, isn't it?
That was really good and allowed us newbies to your blog to get more insight on you as a person. Thanks for sharing.
I love that song. I'm betting we could all write our younger selves some pretty interesting advice.
Dear Rebecca:
Don't get the fucking Depo. Just don't.
Oh, and have more sex.
Rebecca
[[Succinct, aren't I?]]
1. Work for the sake of learning, not for passing exams. It's the knowledge that you will need for the future, not the certificates.
2. Stay away from blond men. Starting RIGHT NOW.
3. You are so much smarter and worth so much more than you think you are. Don't sell yourself short, or wait until it's too late to realise you potential.
4. Never stop singing.
5. Adverts lie. Ignore them. Believing them will make you miserable.
I would tell myself not to get married so young and not to settle for someone who does not make me happy in all ways. I would warn my 17-year-old self that the guy I thought was so wonderful is not. I would tell myself to have some patience since the man who who has everything I want is coming and is worth the wait.
this was a great post!
\
okay, here goes,
dear zach, age 17,
in a few months, your best friend tori, the one you are secretly in love with is going to give you an opportunity to lose your virginity-- play it cool, and DO NOT put her panties on your head. she will find it sophomoric and it will be a one night stand.
meanwhile, you are under no circumstances to sleep with nicole after this time, she will guilt you into being her boyfriend and abuse you physically and emotionally for three years.
when you go to college, you are going to take a lot of drugs-- try doing them mainly on the weekends instead of all the time and your grades will more than likely be better off for it.
don't stop playing your trumpet, it's one of the things i regret most and most importantly DO NOT leave this trumpet in the possession of a woman-- no matter how much you think she loves you.
start working out. you really won't hate it as much as you think you will.
oh and don't ever bring your college ring to the pedernales river-- leave it at home.
love,
zaK, age 25
I would tell myself not to believe everything my Mom told me, and that marrying my husband at 20 was the best decision I ever made. I would tell myself not to let my Dad control every aspect of my life. Learn to control my tears, somehow. And to always put my family before any job. always.
I read your post while I was at work today, and I really thought a lot about what I would say to myself. I got kinda depressed.
I have a lot (LOT) of regrets that I have to work on spinning into lessons. I'll continue thinking about everything until I can be a big girl and write it all down, though.
Thanks.
Maria - this is too, too hard for me to do as I seem to have accumulated way too much history and many, many complex relationships. I guess the only serious thing is the mother issue for me; well, perhaps the father issue too. I think I would have said: your grandmother was right about your father and you are right about your mother. For years I had a problem with the "honour thy father and mother" commandment - just couldn't do it somehow.
This is a great idea! Do you mind if I borrow it for my blog?
Good one, Maria!
This is what I would write to myself at age 17.
Dear Ingrid:
Wen you start college, don't give up on that biology major just because pre-calculus is hard. Getting one bad grade on a quiz should not cause such a drastic decision.
Quit smoking, damnit! On your last day of school you will be off early and a bunch of you school kids will celebrate at someone's house. Do me a favor, don't mix drinks or it will be quite a sight to see you in your catholic school uniform, puking in the bushes at the building where your mom works.
Oh, and before I forget: being 17 and never having kissed does not make you a freak.
Your father will die by the time you are 21. Take some time to get to know him better before he's gone.
Ingrid
PS. When you are 28, you will know what it is like to be loved by a man who you know will never leave you. And you, in your infinite wisdom, will marry him.
Wonderful post. I intend to steal the idea for my own. I would have loved to change the past, to be smarter about things but they happen for a reason and I wouldn't have the great grandkids I have now if not for the past.
"Just say yes"-
Heather, be my guest. After all, this isn't an original idea, I DID steal it from Brad.....:)
Wow, Maria. What a great idea. I'll have to give this some thought. This is not a letter I could write on the fly.
Imagine the time we NOT waste if we knew this stuff ahead of time.
Oh My God!
This is pretty Awesome cause I've been through this most of the time recently!
You know I see my yourger sister doing things in her life, at school, etc. that I was really worried about it, like the Math test you have mentioned for example. that some of them were not that important and we shouldnt have taken those that serious. Not like MAth Exam, though!!
Maybe I would say, Instead of listening to these Metal Music, Try Something That You could relate your own everyday life.
But you know what? Its so Cruel! It's like telling a child what to do, instead of letting him experience the experiences. I believe that There is a Maturity in Every term of our lives. we just have to wait till that moment, and MAturity happen in us.
I love this glimpse into the younger you.
Okay, I am gonna blog about this now! LOL!
Dear Lulu (age 17) -
Looking back from the threshold of 50, you'll have few regrets. The path you're on leads you to contentment and acceptance in your 40s.
The choices you'll make are all part of who you are. The bad choices (and there are a few whoppers) are just as important as the no-brainer easy ones.
In the course of several crises you'll realize that you can handle most of what life throws at you...either that or you're so deep in denial that you've managed to fool everyone around you, including the professionals.
It's ok to ask for help. It's not a sign of weakness and it doesn't diminish your self-reliance.
Hang in there,
Lulu (age 48)
::thinking::
and oh..as usual, wonderful.
Maria, Like Bing, I am on a country music tear. Have been for a few years now. Went from a guilty pleasure to hell, I'm too damned old to be in the closet about my freaking taste in music. I love that song, and will draft a letter to my 17 year old self on my blog. Pink did a similar song a well, but to her 13 year old self. Worth a listen if you can get your hands on it. If not, email me and I will send it to you. Thank you for reminding me to do this...Oh, and next time you are in the car with Bing driving, listen out for "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney. You already wrote a similar post with I Miss Her.
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