I have always been conflicted about this. I used to think that everyone was like me but just didn't admit it, that we all had attractions to both men and women but didn't want to confess it to anyone.
Bing says no, that she doesn't feel like that at all, that men do not interest her one bit. My bff, Harriet, says that she is a heterosexual all the way, that she just can't imagine being attracted that way to a woman.
I think that I am basically bisexual. I lean towards homosexuality, but I can still be attracted to men now and then. Maybe 40% of the time. In general, I notice women more than men, but it is not out of the question for me to see a guy and think...ahhhh.
Bing used to tease me in college about being a straight girl who liked seducing women. She still says it sometimes, although, good grief, you think I would have proven it enough to her by now that I am hardly a straight girl. She says that if pushed, she would say that I am bisexual, but moved more by men than women. I disagree, basically because I know what I feel.
I've never had a relationship with a man. Not really. I've had sex with men, had intense friendships with them, but no...never a relationship. When it came time to choose a love relationship, I generally chose women. All of the long term loves of my life (all um...THREE of them) have been with women.
My first real relationship started when I was 24 and ended when I was 31. It was with Cory, a woman who I should have probably just had a short fling with but ended up buying a home with instead. Our relationship worked for five years and the last two years were complete and total hell for both of us. I finally put it out of it's misery and she ended up trying to kill herself. Over me. That pretty much scared the fuck out of me for years. (Don't get to know me, I am lethal!)
My next relationship was such a fiasco that I don't talk about it. And then, of course, I finally decided to let Bing be the um...lucky number three. I am quite certain that there are many, many days when she wonders just what the hell she is doing with me. I'm not good at relationships, I pretty much stumble around them like a bull in a china shop.
But, I admit to being attracted to men sometimes. I have decided that this has less to do with gender and more to do with a personality type. For example, let's see...male celebrities. I like certain types. Bing and I went to see the movie Live Free or Die Hard the other day and the only reason that I consented to sit through it was because the Mac guy was in it. Justin Long. He is in those commercials where he plays the Mac guy to the fat guy's PC. He was all scruffy, but I liked that personality. Johnny Depp can usually make me go all weak kneed in those pirate movies. Forget Orlando Bloom. I don't want the good guys, I like them kind of bad like Johnny or smart alecky in a really sweet way like the Mac guy or John Cusack in all of his movies. He makes me all gooey too.
When I was writing the post before this one about the song Ventura Highway, I included a site to watch America singing that song. As I watched it, I thought to myself that when I was in college if Gerry Beckley or Dewey Bunnell had been in one of my classes, I would have fallen for them. They have that look. That brainy, sort of sweetly sardonic look or else the bad boy Sawyer-from-LOST look.
But, you know who really knocks my socks off? Jonathan Rhys Meyers from this movie. It is that character. That kind of bad boy, kind of smart ass, but oh so smart and sweet too. I would be putty in this man's hands.
And it is the same with women. It is a personality type. Laura Linney. Tina Fey. Diane Lane. Mary Louise Parker. Janeane Garofalo. Types. Women who aren't necessarily knock outs, but smart and funny and a little rough around the edges.
So, I don't seem to have a sexual preference. I think I have a personality preference. Give me a female Jack Sparrow or a male Liz Lemon and I am lost in flirt alley.
I have a type. I think we all have types who do us in. Some of us like boy types, some of us like girl types and a few, like me, can swing either way.
So, I'm curious. What is YOUR type?