Liv and I are in the car driving her to school this morning.
She is listening to the classical station, something she likes to do on the way to school. A song comes on with a piercing melody.
Liv looks at me and says, "Bing told me that you used to play sex with her sometimes."
Yeah, that was me choking on my cuban coffee.
I give her a look. I'm trying to decide what to say.
Liv goes on. "She said that you weren't very good at it, but that you tried really hard to learn and she thought that was really cool."
I carefully put my coffee in the cup holder and turn to look at Liv at a stop light.
"Honey, I am not sure what you mean by "playing sex."
Liv looks at me with big eyes.
"I said SAX, Mama!"
I sputter and eventually say something totally stupid about the fact that I did try to learn to play the saxophone, but I got tired of all that blowing and my mouth just wasn't suited to it.
Liv is quiet for a moment and then (of course) she says, What exactly is sex?"
She is eight. I swear to god that I am going out to buy a hearing aid tomorrow.
Luckily, we had pulled into her school parking lot and I told her we would discuss it tonight.
After I got Liv safely delivered to her classroom, I called Bing and told her what happened.
She thought it was quite funny. She said she would bring a sax home tonight from school. She offered to play it in the background while I had my talk about sex with Liv.
I called her a toad and hung up on her.
So, I spent the afternoon carefully planning on what to say to Liv, pondering how much she could deal with at her age, etc.
And she hasn't said a word, except to ask me to "pass the man."
I looked blankly at her. Bing repeated. "Honey, she asked you to pass the ham..."
Oh. Of course.
Good hell. Hold on. This could be a bumpy night.....