I think we will survive this. We had a long talk today. Bing came home early from work and we did the whole sit-down thing. She insists on holding hands when we have these talks and while I hate it, I admit that I love it too.
It is very hard to scream at someone when they are holding your hand....
She said everything that I needed to hear. That the truth was that she HAD known that she had messed up before I found out. That a few minutes after she let Liv go, she regretted her decision and sat sitting outside until she got back. When Liv got home, she said that she seemed okay, a little quiet, but she let it go. (She doesn't read Liv like I do.) She said that she had been too chicken shit to tell me about it because she knew that I would be upset, so just decided to see this as a lesson learned and one that would never happen again.
And then, of course, I found out what happened. And exploded.
She said that she agreed with me completely. That she had been totally wrong and intended to let Liv know that too. She had just foolishly hoped that it would all be swept under the rug. She swore that she would never make such an idiotic decision again. She told me that if nothing else, she learned that when it comes to Liv, I take no prisoners.
She asked me to forgive her. I told her that, yes, of course, I would. I apologized for calling her a toad.
Yes, in the heat of my anger, I actually called her a toad. I think I called her a "fucking toad" if my recall is on target.
We agreed to get past this.
I let her kiss me.
We are okay again.
She asked if there was anything she could do to make it up to me.
I suggested that she be my sex slave for a week.
She responded that in case I hadn't noticed, she is already about as whipped as whipped can get.
I said that a back rub might be okay.
She thought maybe two or three back rubs, at least.
So, we were okay. Or, I thought so anyway.
And then I went outside to water my herbs and caught her crying in the back yard, all hunkered down next to the lilac bushes.
I slid down next to her.
I asked her why she was crying.
"Jesus Christ, Liv could have been abducted! She could have been hurt or killed! That sweet little baby! I can't believe that I did something so incredibly stupid!"
I hugged her.
I know. I know. But, it is over now. It will be okay. We just...learned a lot, yes?
"I just feel like such an idiot. You were so mad! And I deserved every bit of it. I LOVE you both so much. Do you know that? You two are everything to me. I'm the one who wants to protect you!"
That was all I needed to hear. I told her that. I just needed to be able to trust that she understood how serious this was and to know that she will never let it happen again.
So, deep breath for both of us. We keep hugging each other. She has talked to Liv and told her that she made a bad call in letting her go to the store on her own, that she was very glad that it all worked out so well. That she was proud of how well Liv handled it all.
Liv didn't say much. She just wanted to read aloud to us her report on Saturn.
We sat perched on the sofa, Bing and I, listening to the sound of Liv's sweet voice reading about rings and orbits and diameter.
That's our girl.