Bing and I are so not the cuddly romantics. I'm the coolest of the two of us, not prone to PDAs at all and well, I'm just not much of a hugger. In romance.
Now, with Liv...well...I seem to be working on all cylinders. I can hug the stuffin out of her and I have many, many times. I seem to be very adept at the whole parenthood thing.
It's the relationship thing that I stink at. Bing knows this and is accepting. She knows how much I love her, but she also knows that I am not very demonstrative. She calls me Marian, the librarian sometimes, teasingly.
And then last night, she broke down the wall. She does this once in a while and I don't know who is more shocked, her or I.
She gave me a cd.
Yup. All it took.
She came home late, her high school band had given a spring concert and Liv and I had attended (I missed SURVIVOR!!OH NO.) I had thought they were wonderful, especially when her students coaxed her onstage to play The Edgar Winter Group's Frankenstein with them. She can play the hell out of a guitar, that one. But, she had stayed late to make sure that all the kids got home safely, etc, and Liv was in bed by the time she walked through the kitchen door, looking exhausted.
I told her how great the concert was. She smiled, very tired.
Then she handed me this wrapped square.
I looked at her. "What's this?"
She looked sideways at me. "I have to have a reason to get you a gift?"
No, she doesn't. And to be honest, she is pretty freehanded with little gifts. She often picks me up my favorite candy bar or coffee from Starbucks, if she sees one on the way home. She often gets me funny cards. Sometimes racy ones.
I opened it. A cd. A Cat Steven's cd called Izitso. I remember having this album (yes, that is exactly how old I am) in high school and liking it. In fact, I had all his albums. But, those albums are tucked away in our basement now. Liv looked at them curiously once, wondered what the hell they were....(It amazes me how fast I am becoming an old fogey. Liv knows how to work an ipod and change the ringtones on our cell phones. I am befuddled.)
Anyway, there was Izitso. I looked up at Bing, curious.
She looked sheepish, as she always does when things turn tender. "I heard this song on the radio a few weeks ago and well, it reminded me of you. So, I ordered the cd from Borders and it just came in today."
"Which song?" I asked.
She popped it into the cd player, turned it to her selection and it began.
Sweet, sweet Jamaica. Country Mama. Brown country girl."
I wasn't sure what to say. I am not Jamaican. We live in the city. I am as white as wonder bread. Was she trying to tell me something?
We listened to the whole song. When it ended, I smiled. Told her that I liked it.
She smiled back. "Hey, I KNOW you aren't Jamaican, or a country mama or have brown skin...I just..well, it just reminded me, the tune...of how glad I am to have you. I don't know what brought you back to me exactly, but I feel very thankful."
Damn. Tears. She is so seldom sentimental like that. When she is, I feel it down to my toes. My stomach was all fluttery, half from remembering her playing that guitar and half from just the sight of her standing next to me, head ducked, all shy when we have known each other forever.
So, we danced together to that song in the living room and then went to bed.
This morning, as she was flying out the door, late as usual, a smoothie in one hand, she said, "I may be a little late tonight."
I asked why.
"I plan to buy the whole frackin boxed set of Cat Steven's cds on my way home from work."
She waggled her eyebrows at me and ran out.
Then, she popped back in. "God, you are gonna put this in that blog of yours, I just know it."
I laughed. "Well, not EVERYTHING."
And I did.