Friday, March 23, 2007

Mush time is over....

.....I feel a rant coming on.

Bing is a teacher. It's parent/teacher conferences week and she also has some field trips to take with her kids. Parent/teacher meetings can be tough for Bing. She is what we used to call in high school...a tough A. Those kids work for their grades and she has a reputation for being one of those teachers who don't put up with any shit. So, the students who love her are nuts about her and she gets letters from them when they are adults telling her that she helped shape them. But...she also gets lots of parents who are upset that she isn't going softer on their Billy.

This said, she is CRABBY this week.

And taking it out on me.

Therefore, the rant:

Last night when she got home at nearly 9, I was on the computer.

"Did you have a nice easy night?" she asked gruffly.

This means: I have been in the trenches and there you sit on your ass at the computer.

This morning, she comes in to kiss me goodbye as she leaves for work. I'm still in bed as Liv is off today.

"Wow. Lucky you, lying around in bed all day," she says.

I shot up.

Got VERY sassy.

"I'm sorry that you are busy this week. I'm taking Liv to an insipid ice skating party given by that parent who acts like it is BE NICE TO LESBIANS WEEK," I shouted.

"Hey, don't get all testy. I was KIDDING!" she says back.

Yeah, right. She was mad that she had to get up at 6 and I didn't.

"Why don't we trade?" I said in my snottiest voice. "I'll go teach today and you can take Liv to the party and feel like Hermione Granger at the Malfoy's dinner table, like you are a mudblood in the midst of pure bloods."

I hadn't realized how truly mad I am about this parent who treats me as if I am not quite as worthy as the rest of the parents, but she will be kind anyway.

Bing sighed.

"It's just...I'm tired and I work so hard and sometimes it seems like you get the easy part, only working part time."

Ok...this was WAR.

"I take care of Liv. I take care of the house. I work part time. I am just as fucking tired as you are, probably more so. How dare you act like I work less!"

Bing left for work, kissless.

We'll work it out this weekend, but it burns my butt when she does that.

How about any of you? Ever get it from your spouses, partners, significant others?

Just curious.


MamaLee said...

Of course!

First of all, I used to teach in schools, and I know about those parent/teacher things. It can be stressful. that being said, I think being a parent is harder. To say that having it easy - well that is plain ca-ca.

I'm with my kids 24/7, as you know, and my hubby doesn't get a lot of time alone with them. Every now and then he has them to himself for a while (could be just a few hours) and he has reality SMACK him in the face. And then he bows to me.

He needs to know how hard and tiring it is first hand, to REMIND him of what I live with. It's great, but it's hard. I think it's something that every parent, every partner, EVERYONE needs to experience.

It's one of the hardest, most wonderful jobs on earth.

Hope Bing can chill after her long week and realize that looks can be deceiving, and that your job needs to be appreciated, just as her job should be.

Elle said...

Once in a while my husband will get on my case that something wasn't done; like laundry. He doesn't get what would be the problem in getting it done. HOWEVER, he does readily admit my job being a SAHM is 10X harder than what he does. So at least I have that.

Still; I do get where you are coming from. I do get the, "At least you don't get up at 5:30am." I just retort and say, "At least you don't drag 3 sick kids to the doctor and sit in the waiting room for 2 hours."

Diana said...

I used to get it a lot when I stayed home with the baby. I was only a SAHM for his first six or seven months, but when he would come home and tell me that i had an EASY day because I didn't DO anything...oh it got ugly.
So I understand. Even now when he has a bad day at work I get the "You sit behind a desk all day and answer phones. That's nothing."
Yeah, buddy but what about when I get home and still have to clean and cook and chase after the boy and you are SITTING THERE watching t.v and I don't say a word???
It gets ugly. I usually just keep my mouth shut to avoid the argument, but I totally understand. They think 'playing' mommy is an easy job.

stacy said...

Ohhhh yeah. Back before I worked (outside the home, that is), we were in agreement about me staying home. Tim wanted a wife that was home taking care of the kids and having things all Martha Stewart-y for him.....until we'd have a fight. Then it always came down to "I work so hard. You have no idea. You don't appreciate anything. I work such long hours so you can have the things you and the kids want. Maybe you should get a job so you'll be too busy to think about things." I could have easily smacked him to the moon.

Proxima said...

I've been unemployed for over a year, don't have any children and in desperation to have a meaningful work-life have tried to make a living out of doing what I love, writing. But it has not been successful because I don't know how to market myself.

I feel rejected and worthless on so many fronts. it's hard not to get steam rolled with depression.

Sometimes my husband will make a flipant comment like Bing did, and boy does he end up regretting the tears and rage that ensues. Like I want to feel like a "kept" woman anymore then I already do.

Proxima said...


I linked your post "Sign?" to a comment of mine to Pipe Tobacco,

He lost his mother recently and I thought reading your post about Orna might make him feel better. I hope you don't mind.

I should be a manager, I'm really good at farming out others. :)

Mrs. Chicken said...

Oh my good God, yes. Tonight we had a fight because my husband intimated that he knew better how to solve The Poo's sleeping problems because he taught music to elementary school kids in the ghetto for nine years.

After nearly a month with very little sleep, a 14-hour journey by plane and two nights by myself right after that b/c he was away on business, I almost killed him.


Whew, you hit a nerve! :)

Burg said...

Well there goes my theory that a female partner is so much more understanding than a male one which translates to you having it so much better than I do... HA!! You're other half can be just as crappy as mine!!!

I'm kidding...

Whenever my husband whines about how tired he is I want to choke him. I have an eight month old, so that alone means I'll get to sleep when she's two if I'm lucky, then add to that the five year old in school who has to have everything on a really tight schedule so that she doesn't pass out in class. Yeah.. I don't sleep much.. I don't care how tired he is because at least he knows for sure he's going to get some solid sleep eventually!! Ass!

Bobealia... said...

Parent-teacher conferences suck for all teachers. That being said, I think taking care of a family is so fucking hard. Cleaning up is a full time job let alone having a part time job and taking care of a kid. Anybody who doesn't know that should try it for a month.
I think maybe Bing is just jealous. I know I get jealous of Mr. Bo when he gets to stay home for some reason. I think also that maybe you should make an effort to commu nicate all that you do even if it feels stupid, just because then she'll know...

Mom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bon said...

oh yes. i get it. i give it. right now, i'm at the tail end of Canada's very generous if not lucrative 50-week maternity leave, and am at home but doing bits of contract work and trying to find something more permanent. i'm stressed, and it's showing. i envy my partner having a secure job to go to, and sometimes i envy the chance just to be out of the house and play with grownups! and i imagine me getting to stay home and go back to bed for a nap sounds pretty dreamy from the other side of the fence.

because i've been home for a year, basically, i do ALL the housework at this point, or think i do. :) i'm the tidier one anyway, who notices those things. i also do the organizational bill-paying stuff. and the baby care, for the most part. my partner is very good about taking the baby in the mornings before work and feeding him breakfast so i can get a bit of extra sleep...but it's only an extra few minutes. we do try to balance it out, but on the weekends there's an awful lot of litanies about what we both do for the family and how tired we yeh, you're not alone.

Carrie said...

We keep it pretty even. I'm the bread winner but he does all the cooking and cleaning. I don't bitch about my job. He sees what I go through and sees that my hair is turning grey before our eyes.

Taking care of the home seems to be the worst. I would much rather be free of it.

Melanie said...

so far, never. but i'm pretty good at operating my own guilt trips on autopilot. and i think we actually have things divvied up pretty close to equally, in a communist sort of way. we're both prone to bouts of depression, though, so we tend to be realllllly careful about pointing out any sloth unless it gets way out of control, because we know that our turn will be coming. it hasn't always been this way of course, but since our Relationship Restructuring in 2002, yeah. It's pretty even now.

i'm loving this blog. so glad i found it. *waves hello*